Resurrection
by Twi-girl09
Summary: Continuation of 'Surrogate'. Bella now has two children and her life is falling apart, this is how she deals with it all. Please RandR Twi-girl09 x
1. Prologue

**Here's the sequel. Sorry to keep you all waiting and I hope you enjoy this, as much as 'Surrogate' please review and let me know what you think. It is a 'T' but it may turn into an M in later chapters. If you will not read an M please tell me and I will change it. I want to please my readers. **

**Thanks. Twi-girl09**

**x**

People say all good things must come to an end.

I never used to believe them, thinking what we had was stronger than that. I thought we were amazing. My life could have never been better, than just like that, it was over. I have my children and I love them with all my heart, but I still need what I started with.

My family have been supportive, giving me what I need to move on and I cant thank them enough. If it wasn't for them, I would still be a mess. They were my rock when I first found out and they still are, offering a helping hand when times are hard.

My best friends, divided. I hardly talk to Alice and Jasper anymore. Emmett and Rosalie, I see every weekend. We meet up and have dinner at one of our houses, the children involved of course. Rosalie still only has the twins, but she is extremely content with just that. She would love to have more children, but she knows the chances are very unlikely, especially now she is getting older.

Emmett and Rosalie are still yet to marry, but are engaged. They didn't want to rush into things and I completely understand. We rushed into things and look how it ended up. I guess he is happy where he is now, a better place.

This is how I cope.

**Well, do you like the prologue. I know its short, but I have tried to keep it simple and not give toooo much away. Please review and show me the love. **

**Thanks for reading. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	2. Chapter one

**This is the first chapter of 'Resurrection'. I am English so anything I say like Football, I mean the English football. Sorry to confuse anyone. Please review. **

**Enjoy! **

**Chapter one. **

"Shannon, come on! I have to take your brother to football." I yell up the stairs. Huffing I grab my keys and go out the car, climbing into the front seat. I turn and smile at my son in the back before putting on my seat belt and turning on the heating. Christmas is just round the corner and it's super cold at the moment.

The last two years of my life has been difficult, to say the least. I lost some of my closest friends and I lost my job at the magazine, forcing me to change my career path. Going from writing articles in a top magazine, to a shop manager is a bit of a jump, but everything I have been through had made me a stronger person.

The passenger door slams and I hear the loud music blasting from my daughters earphones. I roll my eyes and pull out of the driveway, towards Forks school where Oliver's match is. When I had Oliver, my life was perfect. But a few years ago, it started to go downhill. I lost everything.

My parents were so supportive, as was Emmett and Rosalie, but Alice won't speak to me anymore. Jasper tried keeping in touch, but it was hurting his marriage so I cut all ties with him. I get a Christmas card with a picture of the boys every year, and they see Shannon and Oliver every Christmas, but I miss them all like crazy. I took everything so hard, but I tried to be strong. My children need me to be strong and I can't give up.

"Mum, were here." Oliver taps my shoulder and points out the window, proving his point. I nod and smile, pulling the car into my parking space. Shannon's out of the car before i have even turned it off, going towards the bleachers. Oliver gets out and opens my door for me, making a pain shoot through my chest. He's far too much like his father sometimes; he ever had the same crooked smile. As I get out, I'm hit with the cold wind and pull my coat closer to my body.

When Oliver was born, he had my chocolate brown hair and Edward green eyes, but as he has grown up, his hair has taken on Edward's bronze, making his a tiny Edward. The only thing me and Oliver share is my blush and my clumsiness,

Shannon's hair has grown out, falling in ringlets to her waist and is the same bronze as her fathers. Her brown eyes are big and innocent, hiding all the trouble she causes. She inherited my figure and blush but is as graceful as a Cullen, making her the best dancer in her group. When she turned six, she decided she wanted to be a baton twirler, and who was I to stop her? She's now in the nationals, getting medals nearly every weekend. I couldn't be more proud of her.

Oliver ran off in front, dribbling the ball and doing tricks. I roll my eyes, noticing how he's showing off. He always does, and when I ask, he says he 'intimidating' the other team. I can't help but smile thought, he sure is a Cullen.

"Dad!" I hear Oliver shout as he runs towards Edward. I smile and slow my pace, letting them have a moment. The pain in my chest flares. The same pain every time I see him, or talk about him, or think about him. I still love him and I know it's not healthy. I want him back, but he's moved on.

"Hey Oli, you excited?" He asks, rubbing Oliver's hair and messing it up. Oliver scowls and tried to sort out his hair, even though it is messier than Edward. No matter what, he can't tame it, not even with gel. He hates it, but I think its super sweet. Oliver nods and turns round, catching my eye.

"Mum, dad's here." Oliver yells, waving me over. I put on a smile and walk over to them.

"I can see that." I mumble, putting a lose bit of hair out of his eyes. He beams up at me before running over to his team, leaving me and Edward standing awkwardly in the parking lot. I roll my eyes and follow in the direction Shannon left in towards the bleachers. I can here footsteps behind me and instantly now who they belong to.

Edward's and I's divorce has only been finalised for a few months now and it's really awkward when we see each other. We share Shannon and Oliver between us for custody. They go to his for a fortnight, then to me. We live close enough to each other that the children can get to school, but not to close so we don't see each other daily.

Esme and Carlisle are still in contact with me, but it's not very often. I go round for coffee or lunch sometimes, but it's mainly so they can see the children. I chose not to go round often, because Alice is there most of the time and it would hurt too much if I see her.

The children are at Edwards this Christmas, leaving me home alone. It will be the first Christmas without my husband and children and I am dreading it. They will come home for a few hours Christmas evening, but apart from that, I won't see them till New Year's Day. All the decorations are up, but I'm thinking about taking them down when Edward takes them to his today.

Watching the game was funny, but I think I turned blue I was so cold. Oliver managed to fall over, three times. Nothing serious, just a few grazes and a bruise. He said he was fine and refused to leave the pitch, claiming they would lose without him. I swear he is just like Emmett sometimes.

We won, 5-3, making the whole team extremely proud. Well, I would be too, if I was twelve and I had won my first ever game.

Shannon rolled her eyes when Oliver ran over, covered in mud and cheered about the game. Seeing as her majorette team has finished for the winter, she doesn't have much to do at the moment, so she is forced to come to her brothers games. I can tell they bore her, but they would. She's a fifteen year old girl and hates football and dirty things.

"We better get going, champ. Nana Esme had dinner ready to celebrate your win."

"Champ?" is Oliver's reply before he grabs Shannon hat and runs to the car.

"Oliver! Not funny!" She screams and takes off after him. I laugh at their banter. They have always been close, but have their arguments, like most siblings do. Shannon hates when Oliver takes her stuff and Oliver like to wind her up. It can be funny sometimes, but I can remember when Emmett was like that. I hated it too.

"I better be off." Edward says awkwardly, pointing to his car. I nod and smile, saying my goodbyes. He runs to the car and climbs in. I wave them off before getting in my own car and driving home. Driving home alone is always quiet, and I hate the silence it gives. At first, I didn't mind and I loved having time to myself, but now, I get lonely. Going back to an empty house every couple of weeks is horrible.

It's not so bad for Edward, he has Bethany. She's the reason we aren't together anymore. He started working late, every day and he would sleep if he was at home. Me and the children wouldn't see him for days on end sometimes. After a while, he came home smelling of someone else's perfume. I questioned him about it, and he told me someone from work was throwing themselves at him, but he always pushed her away. I believed him.

I went to take him lunch on our anniversary and when I got to his office, they were in there. I walked in and my heart broke. They were having sex on his desk. I just put the basket on the floor and left, shutting the door quietly behind me. I didn't even make it home before I broke down. I had to pull over and I cried for about three hours.

When I finally got home, He was there and the children were at Esme and Carlisle. He had made a grand dinner and the whole house was lit with candles. He smiled and came over, but stopped when he saw my face. When he asked I ignored him and went to bed. He slept in Oliver's room that night.

When I finally told him what I saw, he cried. My heart broke even more, but I refused to accept his excuses. Long story short, he left and they got together. The children hated the fact their family was falling apart, but they got over it. At first, they didn't want to see Edward, but I convinced them they should. I couldn't keep them from their father, even if we aren't on speaking terms

Pulling into my driveway, I turn off the car and wipe away a few tears that have fallen during the drive. Thinking about everything always rips the wound back open again. It shows how un-over him I am. Getting out the car, I don't even care about the rain falling down and hitting me like ice all over my exposed skin.

Going into the house, I take a deep breath and take off my coat. hanging it on the peg, I go to the kitchen and grab a glass of wine. Going upstairs, I strip off and run the bath water, waiting till steam fills the room. Getting in, I sigh and lean back, enjoying the hot water surrounding.

I have work tomorrow, so any rest would be a good thing. The children hate that I work Sundays, but when they are at their dad's, it gives me something to do. Without the children, I get bored and work is the perfect way to entertain myself.

Getting out of the bath, I throw on a bathrobe and go down stairs, leaving my hair down to dry. When I get to the living room, I look around and my eyes land on the photo frame, sitting on the fireplace. Going over, I smile and pick up the glass, my eyes tracing the picture in the frame. A tear falls down my cheek.

A younger version of myself is smiling towards the camera, holding a tiny baby wrapped in a blue blanket. Edward has his arm wrapped around my shoulder, smiling as well and has Shannon on his lap. She's looking intently at her younger brother, a look of wonder on her face. Most of the picture I have of Edward have been put in a box in the attic, but I couldn't put this one away. Every single moment of my life had Edward, and I would never change a thing.

Sighing, I put the picture back and flop onto the chair. Picking up the television remote and flip it on, turning to a channel and staring blankly at the screen. Nothing goes in, just goes over the top of my head. I eventually feel my eye lids get heavy and sleep try to take over. I give into the temptation, letting myself fall into the darkness.

**So, what do you think? Shall I continue, or leave it? **

**Can we try to get to 15 reviews? If not, then I don't mind, but they would be nice. **

**Thanks for reading. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	3. Chapter two

**I have a BETA! Her name is **CatieLardin**, maybe go and check out her stories and leave lots of nice reviews! They are also welcome here too :D. **

**Enjoy!**

_Sighing, I put the picture back and flop onto the chair. Picking up the television remote and flip it on, turning to a channel and staring blankly at the screen. Nothing goes in, just goes over the top of my head. I eventually feel my eye lids get heavy and sleep try to take over. I give into the temptation, letting myself fall into the darkness._

**Chapter two.**

When I woke up, I got ready for work quickly, throwing on my uniform and inhaling my breakfast. The week went by quickly. Work, TV, dinner, wine.

I was laughing at something on the TV when the phone began ringing. I answered it, relieved to hear Rosalie's voice through the phone. I hadn't seen her or Emmett recently, as we have all been busy with our children. Shannon's majorettes take up most weekends, as does Oliver's football.

"Hey, B." Rose chimes, making me smile. I really miss hanging around with my friends, but I suppose as you get older, the chances become less and less, especially if you have children.

"Hey Rose. How is everyone?" I ask, sitting back down and picking up my glass.

"Emmett is fine, busy working as always." I can practically see Rose rolling her eyes as she says this. Emmett is a very good gym teacher at Forks high school and refuses to let up on his football team. Oliver just so happens to be in that team, and Emmett likes to annoy him because they are family. "The girls are good too, practising what Shannon taught them a few weeks ago." I couldn't help but smile. Shannon has been teaching Abby and Lizzie some moves with her old batons and they seem to be getting the hang of it. They want to be as good of a majorette as her and compete.

"How about everyone your end?" She asks. I sigh.

"The children are at Edwards. I haven't spoke to them since last weekend, but he would call if something was wrong, and I'm fine, just nursing a bottle of red." I joke. She laughs lightly.

"What happened to you guys?" She asks with a sigh. I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes, thinking about how happy my life was before Bethany came along.

"She did." I choke out, the tears falling.

"I'm on my way." Is all Rosalie says before she hangs up.

Wiping away the tears, I stand and get rid of my plate and the box it came out of. By the time I have poured another glass, Rose is knocking at my door. I let her in and am instantly pulled into her arms. I laugh at the familiarity of this. I went to Rose after Edward and I first broke up, as she was also one of his Ex's. She didn't laugh, just held me, much like now and told me he isn't worth it.

"He's not worth all you tears Bella." She sighs, holding me at arms length. I nod, and wipe my eyes with my sleeve.

"I know." My heart is screaming at me, telling me to not let go, that there is still a chance for us. But my head, the rational part of me, knows there is no hope. We are over and he has moved on.

Sitting on the settee, Rose next to me, watching a film and getting drunk is the perfect way to spend my Saturday night. She told me that she had called Emmett to look after the girls and she is going to stay here tonight. I felt awful, taking her away from her family, but she said she needs a break anyway.

She has plans with Alice tomorrow, which is perfect as I have work. We spend the whole evening laughing at some romantic comedy on the TV and end up crashing on the settee, tangled under a blanket.

Rose was the first one up the next morning, cooking breakfast fully dressed, and her make-up to perfection. I groaned at the light streaming through the window, completely annoyed she had already opened the curtains. I could hear her laughter as she came in with a tray and placed it on my lap.

I dug in and finished quickly, with plenty of time to get ready for work. Rose left at the same time as me, climbing into her flashy red sports car, and waving as she sped towards Alice's house. Jake still lives at home with Alice and Jasper, but Jay has moved out to live with his girlfriend. He met her in school and they have been together ever since. Jake as enough money to buy a house, but he's waiting for Esme to design him one.

Pulling up at the shop, I turn off the car and climb out. Walking into the shop, I'm met with smiling faces and a few hello's as I go to the lockers, dumping my things there. Being the manager, everyone was surprised I was so nice. I think they thought I would be a bitch, but I'm really not.

I lost my job at the magazine because of my attitude. Going through the divorce was hard, as it is for everyone, and I took it out on other people. If someone annoyed me, I would let them know. My boss yelled at me and I yelled back, resulting in no job. When I started here, I wanted to be a nicer person and not put my job in danger. I was made manager after three months of hard work and politeness.

The day went by quickly and I was soon saying my goodbye to everyone before making my way back home, knowing the same heart ache would come. Arriving at the house, I went in and went straight to the phone after hearing it ringing outside.

"Mum, you are in. I was worried." Shannon, stated. I sighed, dropping everything on the floor by the door and taking the wireless into the living room.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I worked later today, nothing else to do." I tried to sound upbeat, knowing she hates hearing me sad.

"I can come home, if you want me too. Dad won't mind and Oli can stay here." I smiled. My sweet little girl, always thinking of others before herself. I wonder where she got that from.

"No, darling. You stay where you are. I'll see you in a couple days. Christmas eve is tomorrow, remember." I rolled my eyes, slipping off my shoes and sitting down.

"Yes, I remember. I just don't want you to be lonely for Christmas."

"I wont be lonely. You and your brother are coming round and I can watch Christmas TV when you aren't here. I'm fine, I promise. Now, put Oliver on for me please." I said my goodbyes to Shannon before she got her brother for me.

"Hey buddy, how was football practice yesterday?" I smiled.

"It was okay, Uncle Em didn't let up, but he had to leave early for some reason." I laughed, knowing I was the reason he left early.

"You excited about Christmas?" I asked, knowing he was. He may be twelve, but he still enjoys the holidays.

"Mmhmm." He mumbled. I rolled my eyes again, children.

"Well, I better let you go. Its getting late. Put your sister back on for me?" He said he would and ran off to get Shannon after telling me he misses me. My heart nearly broke knowing my baby misses me. Not long now and I can see them both again.

I waited for Shannon to come back to the phone, knowing she was probably practicing. It may be below zero, but she still refuses to stop twirling. I have said that if I won the lottery, I would get a massive house with high ceilings, enabling her to twirl in the house. She laughed when I told her, stating I had too many dreams.

"Yeah mum?" She sighs, probably wanting to get back to it.

"How's Bethany and your father? I forgot to ask." Secretly, I want to know if they are happy together and if there is a chance for me and Edward again. I know I am setting myself up for more heart break, but as Shannon says, I have to many dreams.

"Dad's fine. He's busy in his office, something about office work. Bethany's good too. She's cooking at the moment, cookies I think. She wants me to help her, but I really don't want to." I smiled a little. Shannon doesn't really like Bethany, but Oliver really likes her. It hurts a little to know he likes her, but I hope that if I date again, they will like him as much as they like her.

"Okay, I'm going now. Be good and I will see you in a few days. Love you."

"Love you." She mumbles before hanging up.

**I know it's short and I do apologise. I don't really like this, but if you do, then that is good :D. thanks for reading and please review. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	4. Chapter three

**Enjoy!**

_"How's Bethany and your father? I forgot to ask." Secretly, I want to know if they are happy together and if there is a chance for me and Edward again. I know I am setting myself up for more heart break, but as Shannon says, I have to many dreams._

_"Dad's fine. He's busy in his office, something about office work. Bethany's good too. She's cooking at the moment, cookies I think. She wants me to help her, but I really don't want to." I smiled a little. Shannon doesn't really like Bethany, but Oliver really likes her. It hurts a little to know he likes her, but I hope that if I date again, they will like him as much as they like her._

_"Okay, I'm going now. Be good and I will see you in a few days. Love you."_

_"Love you." She mumbles before hanging up._

**Chapter three **

Waking up the next day, I laid in bed for a while, listening to the silence of the house. I have never had a lonely Christmas. I had the children last year, and the year before that I had still been with Edward. Emmett and Rose invited me round to spend Christmas with them and the girls, but I don't want to get in the way. They have their own family now, and they don't need me under their feet.

I got up about ten with a sigh; showering quickly. Putting my hair up in a messy bun, I went into the kitchen. As the shop is shut for the holidays, I have nothing to do. Finally deciding on baking, I got everything out and started.

I can still remember making cakes with Edward when I was pregnant with Shannon. His apron made me smile so much. I can still see him in the 'Sexy Bitch ;)' apron. That was an amazing day and I wish I could go back there, knowing what I do now. I wouldn't change anything, except telling him back then how much I love him.

When Shannon was born and I thought I was going to lose her, Edward was there for me, holding my hand. He was so excited to be a father and I was so happy I was the one giving him a child. When I found out I was pregnant with Oliver, he beamed, like he did when I got pregnant with our daughter.

Finding out it was a boy was the icing on the cake. He wanted our second to be a boy. He wanted a girl to spoil and a boy to play football with. He wanted to teach our little girl piano and our little boy how to be a gentleman. His dream was the perfect little family and I thought I gave him just that. I thought he was happy with me and the children. I guess I just wasn't enough.

**EPOV**

I don't see my ex-wife often, but when I do, it still hurts. She was always the one for me, but I threw it all away. I thought our love was forever, our bond was so strong. Our children were perfect, polite, and well mannered. Everything I could have ever asked for. My baby girl is so talented with her majorettes and my Oli is going to be a pro footballer one day.

When I met Bethany, I didn't like her. She was all over me, all the time, it was so annoying. I was madly in love with my wife, but she was always around, like a fly, always trying to get my attention. I told her I wasn't interested but she wouldn't let up.

Things between Bells and I were going downhill. She was always working, as was I. I worked over time every day to get more money coming in. She was stressed and the children could tell things weren't right with us. I tried to talk to Bella, but she would put it off, complaining that she had a lot on her mind.

When I got into work on mine and Bella's anniversary, Bethany was in my office, wearing a large jacket. When I asked about it, she dropped it and flashed me her black silky underwear. Bethany is a very attractive woman, and I couldn't help but look over her practically naked body. The black bra and panty set she wore was amazing, and I couldn't help but imagine Bella in it.

I asked Bethany to leave, but she still came onto me. Bella and I hadn't been intimate in a really long time and I gave in. I felt guilty and sick as soon as it started, but I couldn't stop. When it was all over, I looked to the door and noticed a brown picnic basket by the door, one that wasn't there before.

I ran over and grabbed it, demanding Bethany away. The tears fell when I looked into the basket. Candles and a homemade lunch sat in there, reminding me of the sin I had just committed. I took out the contents and looked through it, my hands landing on an average sized envelope. Opening it, I felt my heart break. It was a card from Bella.

'_Happy Anniversary, baby. I love you so much. I still don't know why you want me, but I thank my lucky stars every day that you do. I couldn't have made a more perfect husband for myself, than you. Thank you for loving me. I love you, your Bella xxxx.' _

I broke down and drove home as soon as I could, hoping she would let me explain. She wasn't there when I got home, and I knew it was over. She wouldn't let me talk to her and we split up. I was heartbroken and I could see she was by looking into her eyes. They were filled with hurt and I will never forgive myself for making her look like that. My heart broke that day and I will never get it back.

I stayed with Alice and Jasper for a while after I left, paying rent until I could find a new place. I wasn't myself and everyone could see it. Alice would ask every day what happened and I snapped one day, telling her exactly what happened. She was just as upset as I was and wanted to go to Bella, to comfort her best friend. I begged her not to, that I needed my sister. Things got worse and she dropped all contact with Bella completely. She claimed that she couldn't leave her brother, and seeing her best friend in pain would be too much.

Things with Bethany started up after a few months of being single. She was nice and caring, but she wasn't my Bella. Over time, I have grown to like Bethany and I love seeing her happy. She's my girlfriend now and I can't change that. Bethany loves me, she tells me every day, and I love spending time with her.

She's so carefree and bubbly, Oliver loves her and Shannon is coming around to her, slowly. Shannon has always been a daddy's girl, but when I hurt her mother, she became a mommy's girl. Oliver happily passes between the two of us, but I know Shannon would rather be with Bella. I don't resent her for it, I just except it.

I was pulled from my thoughts when a pair of tan arms wrap around my waist. Turning, I put on a smile and lean down, placing my lips onto Bethany's. I don't feel the same spark I felt when I kissed, or even touched Bella. I miss the effect she had on me and the life she put into my body. I miss her.

"Hey Eddie," Bethany giggles, burying her head in my chest. I hold back my groan. I hate being called Eddie and she knows it. She likes to think it's her own pet name for me, and only she can call me it. She's wrong. I hate anyone calling me it.

"Hey Beth," She groans and pulls back. She hates being called Beth, but I felt like playing with her. If she can call me Eddie, I can call her Beth.

"You know I hate that." She pouts. I kiss her pouted lip with a small smile. I haven't smiled 'properly or crookedly' as Bella calls it since I left Bella, except at my children. The divorce took everything from me, my wife, my heart and my happiness.

"As you know I hate Eddie." I retort, raising my brow. She pulls away and storms out of the kitchen. I go to follow her and see Shannon stood in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest.

"And what can I do for you?" I ask, leaning onto the counter behind me. She comes over and wraps her arms around my waist. I put my forehead on the top of her head. I miss being close to her. She's always with her mother and when she is here, she's busy practicing for competitions.

"I miss mum," she whispers. I sigh, missing her too.

"Me too," I admit. "Cheer up, it's Christmas tomorrow, Santa's going to come if you have been a good girl." I practically here her roll her eyes. I laugh, knowing she doesn't believe in Santa anymore or anything mythical like that.

"You're so not funny." She giggles, pulling away.

"I know. You can see your mother tomorrow, okay?" She nods and walks away, picking up her baton from where she left it.

When I'm finally left alone, I turn back to my baking and put the cake mixture into the cases. I made these same cakes with Bella when she was pregnant with Shannon. I would love to go back there, things were simple. Bella didn't know of my love for her, but I was perfectly happy with loving her from afar. I was married to Rose and things were going good between everyone.

Things change for the good and the bad, you just have to learn and except them. Some say you learn from your mistakes and they make you a better person. They enable you to move on and grow into something better. I just wish I still had Bella by my side and we could grow and learn from our mistakes together.

**Sorry it's short. I think this is better than what I have been writing recently, but it still could be better. What do you think? How do you feel about seeing into Edward mind and what life is like for him? We will be seeing more of Edward in the next few chapters. Next chapter will be Christmas day. Can we get to 30 reviews? Maybe 35? **

**Thanks for reading. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	5. Chapter four

**Enjoy!**

_Things change for the good and the bad, you just have to learn and except them. Some say you learn from your mistakes and they make you a better person. They enable you to move on and grow into something better. I just wish I still had Bella by my side and we could grow and learn from our mistakes together._

**Chapter four. **

**EPOV.**

Waking up Christmas morning always brings a smile to my face. Even when I was a child, I would be the first one up. Alice used to moan at me for getting her up so early, but when she remembered what day it was, the anger went out the window, and the excitement set in. Carlisle and Esme used to joke about me becoming an elf because I got so excited about Christmas. It really is my favorite time of year.

Mine and Bella's first Christmas was magical. Shannon had just been born, and Bella was glowing. She was up before me, due to Shannon's fussing, but I knew she would be up before me anyway. She loves Christmas just as much, if not more, than I do. When I got downstairs, she had already prepared dinner. The turkey was in the oven. A freshly baked cake sat on the side, waiting for me to eat it.

The year we got divorced, I was alone at Christmas. Esme and Alice dragged me home, so I wasn't lonely, but I couldn't get my mind off of Bella. She had the children and I only got to see them for a few hours. I don't hate her for that; in fact I think it's nice she let me see them. I was the one that was unfaithful. I hurt her more than she hurt me.

I tried to get her back, but she didn't want to hear from me. I understand that. I cheated, she didn't. I regret doing what I did. The love that Bella gave me was the purest I have ever felt. It's like she was made to love me and the children. She is just so caring and selfless, and I know it hurt her to divorce me. She always told me I was her one selfish act. She thought it was selfish of her to want me, for her to have me. I willingly went to her, but she thinks me loving her is selfish.

"Merry Christmas." A rough voice says from next to me. I roll over, and 'smile' at Bethany. She smiles back and kisses me on the lips chastely.

"Good morning." I reply, letting her snuggle up to my side. I take a moment to really look at her. Her soft brown hair is a few shades darker than chocolate. Her wide eyes are a hazel, not quite what I'm used to. Her skin is tan, but that's because of all the fake tan she uses. Her body is slim, but doesn't have the curves most women have. She is very beautiful, don't get me wrong, but she isn't 'it' for me. I had my 'it' and I let her go.

With a sigh I get out of bed and go to our en suite bathroom. After my morning routine is out of the way, I go into Oli's room. He's still sleeping, his mouth slightly open and quiet snores sounding from him. His hair is a bigger mess then normal, but he pulls it off perfectly. His duvet is in a tangled mess with his legs and his pillow has somehow fallen to the floor.

"Merry Christmas." I sing. His head shoots up and his eyes open wide. Looking at the clock, he groans and falls back to the bed, picking up the pillow and hiding under it.

"It's six, dad. Go away for a few hours." He groans. I laugh and leave the room, keeping his door open, just to annoy him. Going down a few meters, I open Shannon's door. She's sat on her bed, her phone to her ear. When she hears the door open, she looks up at me and smiles. I smile back and walk over to her. Sitting next to her, I put my arm over her shoulder and she melts into my side.

"I can come home. Dad won't mind." She groans. I can hear talking on the other end and instantly know who it is. Bella.

"I don't want to leave you on your own…..I know I'll be there later, but…..it's Christmas." She exclaims, throwing her free hand in the air. I chuckle and she turns to glare at me, making me silent instantly.

"Why don't you go to uncle Em's?" Shannon's voice is so sweet and innocent; it makes me wonder how Bella doesn't fall for it when she wants something. "I know he has a family, but you're his family too." She huffs. "You promise?" Pause. "Okay, I love you, bye." She hangs up the phone and puts it on the table next to her bed.

"You okay angel?" I ask, using her old nickname. She shrugs. "You can tell me, I really don't mind."

"Mum's all alone and it's Christmas day. She shouldn't be alone but she refuses to let me come home or go to Em's. I don't want her to be alone." She mumbles. I sigh.

"If she said she's okay, than she is. You know her as well as I do, she's stubborn. Where do you think you got that from? It certainly wasn't me." I joke, poking her side. She squeals and pouts at me, making me feel bad instantly. I apologize and she laughs.

"Get ready and meet us downstairs in a minute. We have a lot to do today." She nods and goes into her bathroom. The water runs and I smile, leaving her room. Checking on Oli, he's out of bed and dressed, playing on his phone on his bed. "Come on buddy, downstairs. We have a lot to do." He nods, but stays where he is. I sigh and go down on my own.

Whilst I was sorting out all the gifts, everyone joined me. I handed them out and we all opened them one at a time. Oli got games for some play station Bella got him for his recent birthday, as well as an _IPhone_ from me. Bethany got him an _iTunes_ card. Shannon got a new leotard for her competitions, a new baton and I got her a _Blackberry_. Bethany got her some new dance shoes that she wanted.

Breakfast was eventful. Oli decided he didn't want to eat, insisting he set up his new phone. Shannon screamed at him and then they started to argue. Fun! Bethany and I still had to do our gifts, so we decided to do them after the breakfast things were cleaned and put away.

All of us sat in the living room again and Bethany was bouncing in her seat.

"You first." I insisted. She nods and pulls out a small box. Unwrapping the gift, I gasp when I see what it is. Inside a tiny black box is two cuff links. Both have the Cullen crest on and look insanely expensive. Bethany, like myself, comes from a well off family. She, like me, doesn't like to broadcast it, but everyone knows all about the millions her daddy owns.

"They're amazing. Thank you." I kiss her gently for a few seconds before remembering the children are still in the room. Looking at my children, I realize I should do this now, to get it out of the way. I get on one knee and open a Tiffany's box. Tears well in Bethany's eyes. Last time I got engaged, I wrote a whole page of romantic words and I recited them to Bella. It was the engagement I had always wanted and I knew she wanted it to.

This time, I didn't have it in me to prepare something fancy so I just said the first thing that came to me.

"Marry me?" She squealed and fell into my arms, kissing me passionately. When I was buying Bethany's gift, I wasn't sure how she would take it. I know it's a big step, but I think we are ready for it.

When she breaks the kiss, I put the ring on her finger. She examines it and kisses me again. She runs of to ring her parents and I look to the children. Oli doesn't really have a facial expression, just looking at the floor. Shannon however, looks ready to kill. Her victim? Me.

**BPOV.**

I didn't see the need to get up early today. I did however, get woken up by my phone ringing. Looking at the clock I groan, but pick up the phone anyway. The caller ID read's 'Shannon'. What could she want this early?

"Hello?" My voice is full of sleep and I sound horrible.

"Let me come home." She demands into the phone. I raise my eye brow, knowing she can't see it but I chose to anyway.

"And why would I do that?" I chuckle, sitting up against my head board.

"Cuz!" She exclaims. I full on laugh now. She is far too stubborn. I wonder where she gets that from.

"Cuz what?" I mimic.

"You're all alone." She whines. I can see her pouting in my head.

"Thanks for reminding me." I say sarcastically.

"I can come home. Dad won't mind." She groans. I sigh. She always says this when she's with Edward. 'Dad won't mind'.

"I'm fine." I insist.

"I don't want to leave you on your own"

"You and your brother will be here later on." I roll my eyes.

"I know I'll be there later, but…"

"No buts." I chuckle.

"It's Christmas." She exclaims. I heard a man chuckle in the back ground and instantly feel the pain again. Edwards with her.

"Why don't you go to uncle Em's?" She asks innocently.

"Because he has his own family now." I reply.

"I know he has a family, but you're his family too." She huffs.

"I will be fine."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay, I love you, bye."

"I love you too, bye." She hangs up and I put my phone back on the side table. Knowing I won't be able to sleep again now, I get dressed, throwing my hair up into a messy bun. Going downstairs, I make my way to the kitchen, ready to eat anything I lay my hands on. When I was baking yesterday, I made far too much. I was just going to bake cookies, but ended up baking cakes, pies, pastries, everything.

If Shannon was here, she would laugh at me, saying I always bake when I'm bored. Usually she and Oliver are here to help me eat them, but not today. Maybe when they come later, they can take some to Esme's with them. I'll give some to Rosalie and Emmett when they come over tomorrow, too.

After breakfast was out of the way, I sat in front of the TV for a few hours, trying to not look at the clock. If you watch a clock, the time goes slower. When one rolled around, I was laughing at the TV, some random movie was playing.

The door was slammed open and I jumped up, going to see what was going on. Shannon ran up to me, throwing her arms around me and crying into my chest. I squeezed her back, not knowing what else to do. Oliver and Edward came in a few seconds later. Oliver looked so sad. He wasn't crying but you could tell he was hurting on the inside. I held one arm out for him and he came over, joining his sister in my embrace.

"What the hell happened?" I roared at Edward. He was looking at me with fear in her eyes.

"They're getting married." Shannon wailed. And just like that, my world stopped.

**What do you think? I think this is one of the best chapters I have written in a long time, but that's just me. **

**Please drop me a review, can we get to 35? **

**Thanks for reading. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	6. Chapter five

_I know things are bad at the moment, but I am a strong believer in happy endings. _

_**Enjoy!**_

_The door was slammed open and I jumped up, going to see what was going on. Shannon ran up to me, throwing her arms around me and crying into my chest. I squeezed her back, not knowing what else to do. Oliver and Edward came in a few seconds later. Oliver looked so sad. He wasn't crying but you could tell he was hurting on the inside. I held one arm out for him and he came over, joining his sister in my embrace._

_"What the hell happened?" I roared at Edward. He was looking at me with fear in her eyes._

_"They're getting married." Shannon wailed. And just like that, my world stopped._

**Chapter five. **

My heart clenches painfully and I could feel the tears prickling in the backs of my eyes. Looking away from Edward, I looked down at my children as they cling to me desperately. How could he marry her? Are two ex-wives not enough for him? How long has he been planning this? Why scar a beautiful and magical day like Christmas by getting engaged to her?

What can I say to that? 'Please don't marry her Edward, come back to me. I love you. I need you' no, I can't say that. Talk about desperate. Taking in a deep breath, I blinked the tears back. I knew this would happen. The guy loves weddings, he has already had two.

I wonder if Esme and Alice like her more than me. Were they the reason for his decision? Did they beg him to make her a Cullen, to hit me where it hurts? I took Swan back when Edward and I finished, but the children are still Cullen. They can't have the same last name as her, I won't have it. I will change their name back to Swan, anything to cut all ties with her.

"Well?" He asks. Edward shifts nervously and my eyes snap back to him. I could see him squirming under my gaze, but it didn't waver. Is he waiting for my approval? I have two crying children in my arms and he wants me to tell him how happy I am for him?

"Well what?" I ask. My voice stronger than I expected it to be and there are no signs of my heartbreak.

"How do you feel?" I snort unattractively. Is he trying to be my therapist?

I get the impression that he really doesn't want to know how I feel, but he feels the need to ask. Should I tell him about the nights I cry myself to sleep? Should I tell him about the pain in my chest, every time his name is mentioned? How do you tell the man you love, and have always loved, how much pain he puts you through, every day of your life?

"Shannon, Oliver, why don't you go into the living room. There are some baked goods on the table, help yourself." Shannon sniffs once, but pulls herself away, wiping her eyes. Oliver just nods and follows his sister as she sulks into the living room. I notice that they leave the door open, but I think nothing of it.

I turn on my heel and go into the kitchen. If he wants to speak about this then he can come to me. I busy myself with things in the kitchen, anything to help dull the pain in my chest. How can he not see the pain I am going through?

"Please speak to me." He sighs, sitting down in his chair. We all had our own chairs at dinner time; Edward's is across from mine with the children either side of us. It's the way it always was and I guess old habits die hard. I turn my back to him, busying my hands.

"What do you want me to say?" I whisper, stopping everything I am doing.

I don't turn to look at him, keeping my back facing him. What can I possibly say to him, that will make me hurt less?

"That your happy for me. That you want me to have the best possible life. Anything Bella." I squeeze my eyes tight, stopping the tears.

"I'm really happy for you Edward. You can go now." I whisper, my voice thick with all of my unshed tears. The chair goes, indicating he has gotten up, and then there is silence. I sigh and open my eyes again, the tears now falling. I wipe the tears away shakily, a sob escaping my throat. He really is gone now. This is the one for him, I can feel it.

The tears begin to fall in waterfalls and I turn, ready to go and cry in my room. Another sob leaves my throat when I see Edward standing there, tears swimming in his eyes.

"Please leave." I whimper, running my sleeves under my eyes.

"Bella, we need to talk." He steps forward, but I step back.

"No, you need to leave." I try to make my voice strong, but it hurts to much. My heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest and the edges of where it used to be are throbbing.

"Bella…." I cut him off.

"Get out of my house!" I scream at him, pointing to the door. He turns and walks out, slamming the door behind him. I fall to the hard floor with a thud, and cry. I cry for the loss. I cry for the pain. I cry for everything we had and I cry for everything we could have had.

I'm soon joined by my children. They fall to the floor next to me and hold me, crying their own tears softly. They have been so strong dealing with the divorce and all the weird changes in their lives, but I think they need time to cry, to let everything out. My tears began to slow as I held my children.

When everyone had calmed down, I took them into the living room to start the present giving. I gave Shannon a giftcard with four hundred dollars. She didn't want anything for Christmas and what she did want, Edward and Bethany got her. I gave Oliver a new football outfit, signed by all the stars, that he could wear and some money as well.

The children gave me a envelope and when I opened it, I smiled so wide. Inside was a picture of a tiny puppy. On the back was

'_For you mum. Puppy at six weeks old. Love Shannon and Oliver.' _

I pulled my children into my arms and hugged them tightly.

"I guess you like it." Shannon smirked when I pull back. I grinned again and looked down at the tiny white puppy.

"When can we pick it up?" I ask. The children know I have always wanted a puppy, ever since I saw Jay's and Jakes' when I was pregnant with Shannon. I wanted to get one, but Edward talked me out of it, saying how the children were to young and we shouldn't expose them to danger. It's true, dogs can be very dangerous, especially with young children. Now the children are much older, I can finally have one.

"Actually, today. One of my friends at school's dog had the puppies and she let us have one at a good price." Shannon smiles. I nod and grab my keys, ready to get my Christmas present.

**EPOV**

"I'm really happy for you Edward. You can go now." She whispers, but I hear it. Her voice is full of tears and it breaks my heart. I want to hold her and tell her that its her I love, but I'm engaged now. My fiancé is at home, waiting for me and I should go to her.

I stand, but before I can leave I hear a sob come from Bella. Tears build in my eyes, knowing Bella is hurting. She tries to be strong for everyone, but she shouldn't keep everything in. she turns and another sob comes from her.

"Please leave." She whimper, running her sleeves under her eyes, catching all the tears.

"Bella, we need to talk." I step towards her, wanting to hold her and stop all her tears, but she takes a step back.

"No, you need to leave." I can tell she is trying to make her voice normal, but it still shakes as she speaks, showing her vulnerability.

"Bella…." I start to talk, but she cuts me off.

"Get out of my house!" She screams, pointing to the door. I know she isn't going to listen, so I turn and leave, slamming the door on the way out. I stand by the door, letting my tears fall. I would love for her to let me back into her life, but I hurt her to much. I roughly put my hands into my hair, tugging on the ends.

Loud crying could be heard and I had to fight the urge to run back inside. Going over to my car, I climb in and start it, driving through the windy roads home. When I pulled up to the house, I could see Bethany through the window, setting the dinner table. She would stop and glance at the ring with a smile on her face before carrying on with setting the table.

Went I shut the car door, she looked out the window and smiled, blowing me a kiss. I smiled back and ran inside, trying to get out of the cold. The tears had stopped and were nothing but a memory now as I pull the door open and join Bethany in the kitchen.

"Hey babe." She sings, turning to give me a kiss. I kiss her back and feel her smile into the kiss.

"Hey Bethany." I pull away from her and help her with the dinner.

When the time come for me to pick up the children, I get a text from Shannon, telling me to drop their stuff back at Bella's.

"What's that text all about?" I sigh, when Shannon answers her phone.

"I don't want to go back there. Oliver and I are going to stay with mum." She huffs. I growl into the phone, annoyed.

"You have to get use to Bethany, she's going to be your stepmother." She snorts into the phone, reminding me of her mother.

"I have a mother and you broke her heart." The dial tone rings through and I pull the phone away from me ear. She hung up on me.

My little girl just hung up on me. I cant believe I have annoyed her that much. I thought she would be happy for me. If Bella brought a new man home, they would be happy about it. I get engaged and they hate me for it.

I cant help but feel like I have made the biggest mistake of my life.

**Short, I know and I am sorry. Not one of my best's, it seems like my writers block is back. YAY! Note sarcasm. **

**I want to send a HUGE thank you out to my amazing BETA, ****CatieLardin****, who takes time out of her everyday life to edit this. Check out her stories. They're amazing! **

**Thanks for reading and can we get to 60 reviews?**

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	7. Chapter six

**Enjoy!**

_**EPOV**_

_My little girl just hung up on me. I cant believe I have annoyed her that much. I thought she would be happy for me. If Bella brought a new man home, they would be happy about it. I get engaged and they hate me for it._

_I can't help but feel like I have made the biggest mistake of my life._

**Chapter six. **

**EPOV.**

I put my phone away and stormed up the stairs. How dare Shannon talk to me like that! When all their stuff was in the car, I got in, slamming the door behind me. Is Bella begging them to stay with her? I will understand if she is, but she said I could have them this Christmas. I wanted them here, with me.

If they refuse to come home with me, will they at least come to Esme's with me? Her and Carlisle were looking forward to seeing them and I will not let them down again. I want to be in Esme's good books when I tell her about my engagement.

When I pulled up outside Bella's house, her car wasn't in the drive and I couldn't see any lights on in the house. With a glance around, I realize waiting in the car would be the best idea. Turning on the radio, I listen to all the merry music blasting through my speakers. I sit back in my seat after turning the heating on full, and relax.

**BPOV. **

I got in the car, Shannon in shotgun and Oliver in the back. I smiled the whole way to Shannon's friend's house. They both laughed at my eagerness, but I ignored them, knowing they would be the same as me if they were getting a puppy.

As soon as we pulled up at the house, Shannon ran in, telling me to stay put. I did as told and beamed at Oliver through the rear view mirror. He just smirked at me and my heart clenched for what feels like the hundredth time today. I, however, didn't let my pain take away my happiness. he truly is just a mini Edward.

I 'Aww'ed' loudly when Shannon came out of the house, a tiny white puppy in her arms. Seeing it in the flesh reminded me of Seth. When Seth and Embry died, the boys were so sad. All of us were. They ran away together and Seth got hit by a car. Embry ran to help him, but was hit too. It was such a horrible coincidence.

Shannon got in and smiled, passing me the tiny puppy.

"She's beautiful." I coo'ed. She wagged her tail and looked up at me before reaching and licking my chin. I giggled and passed her back to Shannon, starting the car.

"What ya gunna call her?" Oliver asks from behind. I roll my eyes at his bad grammar.

"I'll think about it. Lets get her home first."

When I pulled up at the house, Edward's silver Volvo was on the side of the road. Shannon also noticed and huffed.

"What is he doing here?" I looked over at her then back to Edward as he got out of his car.

"He's come to pick you up of course. You're staying there a few more days."

"No I am not." She huffs again and get out the car. I frown after her and turn to Oliver.

"What?" I ask, knowing he knows. He shrugs and runs out, slamming the door behind him. I cringed at the sound, but go out after them. I got rid of my Chevy and traded it for a slightly smaller black car. I was told the make of it, but I cant remember it for the life of me.

When I got to the door, everyone was there waiting for me. I gave the keys to Oliver, seeing he was standing closest to the door. Edward had his arms crossed and was glaring at me from the corner of his eye. I wanted to ask what his problem was when he ran back to the car and grabbed the children's stuff from the boot.

The children took the new puppy into the living room and I followed, thinking of names for her. I laughed at the tiny white fur ball running around the room and skidding to stops, only to start running again. The children laughed along with me until Edward walked in with their stuff.

"You know, I can understand that you are lonely, but there is no need to take the children away without asking me first." My eyes popped open and I turned to look at him.

"Excuse me?" I choked out in disbelief.

"Shannon rang me, telling me how she couldn't come home with me. Didn't you ask them to stay?" I turned to look at Shannon. She wasn't even looking up at us, but Oliver was. He guiltily stared back at me, a small apologetic smile on his face.

"No I did not ask them to stay. I was trying to convince them to go back." I sigh. He doesn't look like he believes me and anger builds up inside me. Why would I lie to him about something like this?

"Yeah." He mutters under his breath.

"Fine, don't believe me!" I blow up. He looks surprised. "I told them to go back, I don't want them here with me, because I knew it would hurt you! At the end of the day, if they want to be here, then that is fine with me! I am sorry, Edward, but I didn't know she called you!" I yell. He just blinks a few times, and I smile internally.

"I don't want to go back. It's nothing to do with mom." Shannon huffs. We both turn to look at her.

"Why?" We ask at the same time. I look at him and he looks back. His eyes hold something within them and my heart melts. Its like the look he used to give me when we first got together. His eyes smouldering and swimming with secrets. I look back to Shannon, not being able to look at the intensity anymore.

"I don't like Bethany and neither does Oli." She snaps before getting up and storming up the stairs.

"Oli?" Edward asks, looking over at him. "I thought you liked Bethany." He shakes his head no, and follows his sister up the stairs.

The tiny white puppy runs over to me now his play friends have gone and tugs at my trouser bottoms. I lean down and pick her up, holding her in my arms. Edward doesn't talk for a while so I sit down with the small dog in my lap. She still needs a name, but I cant think of anything. Maybe a different name, something nobody else has.

"I'm going to Esme's. Can you bring the children over there later?"

"Take them now. They can stay the rest of the time with you. Shannon's just being a teenager." I sigh, stroking the top of the puppy's head

"No, just bring them over. Goodbye." And with that, he leaves.

Shannon and Oliver stayed upstairs for a little while whilst I cleaned everything up. The puppy ran around with me, making more mess than there was to begin with. She would wag her tail and bark happily at me every time I looked at her. She deserves a really good name, a simple, everyday name wouldn't suit her.

When the children came back down again, they apologized and begged me to let them stay. I replied, telling them that I had no choice. Their father had already left them here. They agreed to go to Esme's, loving their Nan far to much to deny her that. I said I would drop them off then come back when one of them texts me.

After the children were ready, I locked the puppy in the conservatory, not sure if she is house trained yet. She cried for a few minutes before finding the old slipper I threw in there. I got in the car and pulled out the drive way, going down the familiar roads to the Cullen house.

I haven't seen Alice since the divorce and I don't see Esme often either. It's awkward to play friends with your ex-husbands family, so I try not to bump into them. I see Carlisle when ever I am in the hospital, which is less and less every year. He updates me on things, but tries to be vague, for which I am grateful. I don't want to bring all the pain back up. My heart still hurts from losing Edward the way I did.

The Cullen mansion is the same as it has always been, but it seems different. When ever I used to come, it felt like home to me. Somewhere all my family is, but now, it's a house full of people I used to know. Like strangers with familiar faces.

The door opened as I pulled up. I could see everyone's car in the drive way. Emmett's, Alice's and Edward's. When I lost contact with the Cullens, Rosalie and Emmett stayed in touch with them. It doesn't bother me. Esme, who opened the door, smiled and waved. The children waved back whilst I pulled the car off to the side.

"Take these in for Jake and Jay please, and I will see you later." I hand Shannon two cards, each with a gift card. She nods and kisses my cheek before getting out the car and running up to Esme. She hugs her tightly before waving and going into the grand house. I turn to Oliver, smiling.

"I'll see you later. Have fun and text me if you need me." he nods and kisses my cheek before walking up to Esme. He kisses her cheek and goes in.

With a sigh I turn on the engine and reach for the radio, putting it on a Christmas station. I jump when the passenger side door opens. Esme smiles apologetically before climbing in and sitting down. If I was a horrible person, I may have shouted at her for just welcoming herself into my car, but I could never be horrible to Esme. She was always there for me when my mother wasn't and I will always be eternally grateful for that.

"Hello dear." She smiles. I smile back and whisper a timid 'hello'. "Merry Christmas." She beams. If anyone loves Christmas like me, it's Edward and Esme. They both love any reason to celebrate.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Esme." I smile. She nods and looks up at her house, probably wanting to get back to her family. I don't know what to say to her, so we just sit in silence, looking up at the house. The twinkling lights shine through the windows and you can see people walking around.

"You should get back." I prompt, feeling the lump in my throat. I said my goodbyes to Esme, and I don't think I could do it again. It broke my heart saying goodbye to my family. Alice's face was hard when she said that she never wanted to see me again. I can remember the way it felt, the rejection it brought. Jasper's face showed some pain and hurt, but he reigned it in. Esme nearly broke down, demanding why she had to lose one of her babies. Edward didn't come to the fare well party.

"Come in with me." She suggests. I shake my head.

"I couldn't do that." The tears prick at the backs of my eyes, but I blink them back.

"You cant spend Christmas alone. You're family Bella." I shake my head, the tears now falling

.

"Not anymore. He made sure of that. Go back to them Esme. Please." She nods and squeezes my hand before getting out the car and going back to the house. I pull out the driveway, letting my tears fall.

**Hmm, what do ya think? I kinda like it, but I'm not too sure. **

**Please review.**

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	8. Chapter seven

Enjoy!

_**"You cant spend Christmas alone. You're family Bella." I shake my head, the tears now falling. **_

_**"Not anymore. He made sure of that. Go back to them Esme. Please." She nods and squeezes my hand before getting out the car and going back to the house. I pull out the driveway, letting my tears fall.**_

**Chapter seven. **

**EPOV**

I sat in my mothers living room, staring at the clock. When I left Bella's I went home to pick Bethany up, then went straight to the house I grew up in. knowing how much Bella was hurting, hurt me. My children don't like my fiancé, which is going to make things so much more awkward when they are with me.

The love I feel for Bethany, is different from the love I feel for Bella. The love for Bethany is there, but it isn't a strong as my love for Bella. It simmers at the bottom of my heart and flares up when ever I think of her, or see her. The love for Bethany is like how I love my friends, but different. It's hard to explain, but I know I love her.

If I could do anything right now, I would go back and not go into work. It was my anniversary and I should have spent it with Bella; telling her and showing her how much I love her. I should have worshipped her and made her feel the way she makes me feel.

Ever since I could remember, I imagined my life with Bella, and no-one else. But, my feelings for Rosalie bloomed and I was giddy with lust for her. That's all we were, lust. She knows it, I know it. What her and Emmett now have, that is pure love. I thought Bella and I were the same, but I threw it away, and she let me. She let me leave; she didn't fight for us. I know I hurt her in the worst way, but she didn't fight for us.

I should have demanded she listen to me and opened her eyes to see what she means to me. I should have begged her forgiveness, begged at her feet until she let me back into her life. We could have still been together, happy and living the life we had planned. We wanted another baby, a little girl so she had a big sister to look up to and a big brother to look after her. We had it all planned out.

When we got divorced, I was messed up. My whole family worried about me. I wouldn't speak to anyone and I wouldn't come out of my room at Alice's and Jasper's. Bethany went to stay with her parents in Spain for a while and she had been planning it for months. When she got back, I met her at a club, a few nights before she was suppose to come back to work. We got talking and one thing led to another.

I didn't hear from her after that, until a month later. She had been promoted and was working in a different part of the hospital, meaning I saw her less than before. She sobbed down the phone to me, telling me she had skipped a period. I took her to the doctors and she was indeed pregnant. She was ecstatic and I was willing to support her through it.

But, a few weeks later, she had a miscarriage. I stayed with her at the hospital and we cried over the loss. I could see that she needed me and I wanted to support her. From then on, we have been going out. She said she wanted another child, but she wasn't ready yet. I could see in her eyes she was still grieving.

When she met Shan and Oli, she instantly loved them. She was willing to be a best friend to them both and not push herself on them. They, however, didn't take to her as kindly. They told me they didn't like her and didn't want to come over to visit me. By that time, I had moved in with Bethany and we were happy. They warmed up eventually, but they still don't like her. I understand, no-one can replace their mother and I don't expect Bethany to.

When I heard a car pull up, Esme shot off her seat, going to the door. I sighed and looked out the window, seeing Bella and the children in the car. She handed something to Shannon and she kissed Bella's cheek before getting out the car. Running to my mother, she wraps her arms around her and squeezes.

I see Bella turn to face the back seat, obviously talking to Oli. He kisses Bella's cheek before getting out the car. He kisses my mother and then comes in. I can hear the family talking in the kitchen as the children join them, but I keep my eyes out the front window.

Bella starts to play with her radio as Esme walks over to the car. My eyes widen as I watch my mothers back. I see Bella's head snap up and look to the passenger side door as it opens. Even from here, I can see the pain on both women's faces as they see each other.

Esme sits in the car with Bella for about ten minutes before Bella shakes her head, looking up at the ceiling, probably blinking back tears. My heart hurts for them both. When all this first started, Bella had to say her goodbyes to everyone. Alice cried down the phone at me, telling me how selfish I was. Esme sobbed in my fathers arms while he glared at me.

Esme got out the car and came in the house, shutting the door behind her. I could hear a quite sob before she took a deep breath and walked past the living room door, going to the small bathroom.

She soon joined the family in the kitchen. With a sigh, I heaved off the chair and slowly made my way into the kitchen. When Oli saw me, he smiled my smile at me. Shannon looked up, then looked away, continuing her conversation with Alice. I rolled my eyes at her behaviour and walked to Oli, messing up his hair. He scowled and tried to sort his hair out, an impossible mission.

I looked around at Everyone and Rose smiled at me then carried on talking with Esme about something to do with designing.

"Ali, these are from mom, for Jay and Jake." Shannon says, handing Alice two envelopes. Alice smiles and puts them in her bag. I smiled with pride at my sister as she rubbed her very swollen stomach.

She's almost due with twin girls and she and Jasper couldn't be happier. They had Jay and Jake at a young age, meaning they have grown and flown the nest. They were worried about the age gap being so large, but they didn't dwell on it. They had been trying for a few years when they got their news. Alice asked Shan and Oli not to tell Bella about the new babies. I don't know why, but she didn't want her to know. The children agreed, also not seeing why they shouldn't tell Bella.

"Hi Oli, Shans" Bethany smiled as she skipped over to me. Shannon grimaced at the name Bethany had given her. She really doesn't like it, but puts up with it. I know she is really trying to like Bethany, and I love her even more for trying.

I held Bethany in my arms, placing a soft kiss on her lips. Her left hand came up, going around my neck to keep my lips to hers. I heard gasps behind me and instantly knew why.

"Your engaged." It wasn't a question that left Esme's lips, it was an accusation. I pulled away from Bethany, holding her hand and standing next to her.

"Yes! Isn't it exciting!" Bethany squealed flashing her ring. Alice and Rosalie just looked at her, face expressionless. Esme and Carlisle smiled softly, not really showing much emotion. The children looked bored, already knowing all of this. What caught me off guard was Jasper and Emmett. They looked ready to kill.

**BPOV**

I sobbed all the way home, missing the life I could have had. Seeing Esme tore at everything that had slowly healed. My heart was beating fast in my chest and my sobs were beginning to hurt. I felt like such a child, but I really wanted my mom. I want her to hug me and tell me that she loves me, no matter what happens. I want my dad to get his gun out, only to tell him to put it away. It feels silly crying like this over seeing someone, but I have missed Esme so much.

My chest feels like a huge gapping hole, letting everyone see what remains of my heart. Almost like mocking me, begging for someone else to get close, only to run away from me, taking another part of my heart with them. To watch as I fall deeper into this black hole I have lived in, and laugh in my face when I ask for help.

What I really want is for someone to hold my hand and guide me out of this darkness, away from all this pain taking over my body all the time. I want to be able to hear about Edward and the rest of the Cullens with a smile on my face. I want to be on good terms with the people I have grown up with. I don't want to be the odd one out, again.

Growing up, Edward had Rose, Jasper had Alice and Emmett had who ever he wanted. I watched from afar, admiring Edward and not telling anyone about my feelings. If I thought my heart hurt back then, it is nothing compared to this. I would love to go back to that and slap myself, telling myself not to fall for Edward. My best memories are with him, but also my worse. The pain lashes out, like a whip, when I see or hear about him.

But, no matter how much I want to believe all of that, I can't. I don't want this pain, but if I hadn't fallen for him, I wouldn't have my two beautiful children. I wouldn't have the life I have, or had, and I love everything about who I was. I was happy, until that day.

When I got home, I went straight upstairs, taking my phone with me. I don't know how I managed to get home without wrapping my car around a tree, especially with the amount of tears I had, but I did. I locked the door behind me, not wanting any unsuspected visitors.

I flopped onto the bed, burying myself under a pillow. I felt around under it for the thing I keep their and pulled it out when I felt it. Edward's sleep shirt. I clutched it to my chest, letting myself get lost in the familiar scent. I found this after he had gone and I don't know why I kept it. Maybe I was a masochist, loving the pain it brings every time I see it.

I sobbed for a few hours, exhausting myself to the brink of passing out. My phone went off, signalling I had a text. It was Shannon, asking me to pick them up. Texting back that I would, I got off the bed and threw my hair up in a messy ponytail. I know I look a mess, but I couldn't be bothered to sort myself out.

When I arrived at the Cullen house again, I couldn't feel the pain like I did before. I was so tired I couldn't feel anything. I beeped the horn and waited. After ten minutes, the children still hadn't come out. With a sigh I got out the car and walked to the door, prepared to knock then go back to the car to wait.

I knocked a few times, and started my walk back to the car. In the car, I waited a further five minutes, but still not sign of the kids. With a huff, I marched back up to the door and rang the door bell. this time, the door opened before I could turn around and go back to the car.

A soft gasp left my lips at the same time as the person at the doors. I took in their appearance at the same time they did mine.

"Oh Bella." She chocked out, her eyes filling with tears.

"Alice." I replied, my voice sounding dead to my own ears.

**Hmm, like it? Don't like it? Again, I'm not to sure, so please tell me what you think in a review. Thanks. **

**A huge thank you to my amazing BETA CatieLardin, who does take time out of her life to edit this for me and my loyal readers. Please check out her stories, it would mean a lot to us both. **

**I have Twitter! If you do to, add me. Link is on profile. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Twi-girl09**

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	9. Chapter eight

**Enjoy! **

_A soft gasp left my lips at the same time as the person at the doors. I took in their appearance at the same time they did mine. _

"_Oh Bella." She chocked out, her eyes filling with tears. _

"_Alice." I replied, my voice sounding dead to my own ears. _

**Chapter eight. **

She put her hand to her mouth, her eyes scanning me face. My eyes dropped from her face to her rather large stomach. I felt sick. I don't know why, but my stomach churned at the sight. She noticed my gaze and tried to hide behind her jacket, which looked like the one I had bought Jasper for his birthday a few years ago.

We just stood there in silence, just taking each other in. She was full on crying and my face was still blank. Why didn't my children tell me about this? Oh yeah, we're not friends anymore. I had no right to know about it. Alice's hand flew to her stomach and she rubbed it softly, now looking down at it.

"Are they ready yet?" I asked, looking at the floor.

"Yeah. I'll get them." She muttered, her voice thick, before turning on her heel and going back through the house. I watched her retreat, until she was gone. I couldn't stand here any longer and I ran back to the car, a strangled cry leaving my lips. She's pregnant? Did she not want me to know?

I fumbled with the door handle until it swung open and I climbed in, resting my sore head on the steering wheel. Everything is happening so fast today and I just want to relax with my children. It's Christmas and I shouldn't be feeling like this. I should be feeling merry but I can't. It hurts to be happy and it hurts to be sad.

I heard someone call my name and I looked up, seeing Emmett storm out the house and towards my car. I went to wipe my tears, but there wasn't any there. I have no more tears to cry. I got out the car and waited as Emmett came over and picked me up, cradling me to him. I dry sobbed into his chest, clutching his shirt.

I couldn't believe I was being such a baby, in the Cullen's driveway, of all places. If anyone saw me now, they would probably think I was some stupid teenager, being dumped by her crush for the first time. I sure was acting like it.

"Shh, Bells. We need to get you home." He whispered. I whimpered in return, my stomach aching from the sobs.

I was so tired. Since Edward and I got together, I just can't sleep on my own. I still wake with nightmares of him leaving me and I feel physical pain all the time. I just want to sleep and be me again. I don't want to be the person I have become, but its hard to be my old self again when he took that part of my life away.

It isn't healthy to be pining over a guy like this. I need to be there for my children. They need their mother and I am their mother. I need to support them both to the best of my ability. And I will. Emmett managed to get me into the back seats of my car as the exhaustion over took me and I was in darkness.

**EPOV**

Emmett's glare penetrated into me, making me want to climb into a big hole to escape him. Jasper wasn't much different. I tried to act as if it didn't bother me, but they knew it did. It's almost like they can smell my fear.

"You're what?" Emmett finally blew up, alerting everyone to him. They looked between the two of us, with confusion.

"We're engaged." Bethany smiled, getting the wrong idea about him asking. Emmett was okay with Bethany when they first met, but he doesn't know the full story. Only Bethany, my parents and I know about the baby we could have had by now. We didn't want to tell too many people and dwell on our loss. We had to deal with it on our own.

I saw Shannon take Oli's hand and pull him closer to her. He eagerly went to her, letting his big sister comfort him. He has always seemed younger than he really is, but we were told he would. When we found out he had difficulties with his learning, Bella and I accepted it and promised to help him the best we could.

Shannon took her big sister role very seriously. She was like the big sister everyone could ever want. For being fifteen, she is very mature, just like her mother was at her age. Wise beyond her years. When she told us she wanted to be a doctor, I smiled non-stop for a week. She said midwifery took hold of her and she promised me to follow her dream.

"How could you?" Emmett spat, glaring at me. Jasper nodded in agreement, looking at me like I was dirt. I looked to Rose and Alice for help, but they weren't looking at me.

"We're in love. And that's all that matters." Bethany said, taking my hand and being defensive. Rosalie laughed without humour, shaking her head.

"It has nothing to do with you Emmett. Back off." I huffed, pulling my fiancé closer to me. She willingly came and snuggled into my side, as if claiming me in front of all my family.

"It has everything to do with me. I thought you were a mate. I guess I was wrong." He yells. Everyone jumps at the sudden outburst and I see tears spilling down from my daughters eyes.

"Stop it!" Carlisle yells, making everyone look at him. "It is Christmas and I will not have an argument in my house. If you will, go outside and kill each other."

We all stopped talking. Is not usual for Carlisle to raise his voice and its odd when he does. He normally leaves the punishing to Esme, but she was comforting Shannon. Emmett muttered an apology before leaving and going into the living room. Jasper and Rosalie followed him, probably going to cool him off. Alice didn't talk, just looking down at her stomach and rubbing it softly.

"What was all of that about?" Bethany asks, and I shrug in return.

We spent a few hours opening gifts and talking in small groups. I stayed away from Emmett and Jasper and I tried not to get to close to Rosalie. I didn't want to start another argument. Esme was still upset about seeing Bella and it made me feel horrible. I don't want to be the reason my family is sad, but they chose to help me out and they chose to stick to that choice. I didn't force them to abandon Bella, they chose to do that by themselves.

Shannon text someone and put her phone away, only for it to go off a few seconds later. I noticed how she nodded at Oli and he smiled. I frowned, wondering what they could be doing. I knew however, when a car pulled up in the driveway, the same car that dropped the children off.

The car horn sounded but I don't think anyone heard it. I pretended not to, looking through a new book the children had gotten me. After another ten minutes, the door knocked, but again, nobody heard it. I chuckled quietly when the door bell rang and Alice shot off her chair, waddling to the door. Everyone listened as two gasps were heard.

"Oh, Bella." Alice's voice was strangled and I could hear the tears.

"Alice." She replied. There was no emotion in her voice and it was disturbing to hear. I could see the anger rising in Emmett and Jasper and I wanted to run away.

There was more talking but it was muffled. When Alice came back in, she was in tears and she feel into Jasper arms.

"She looks…awful." She managed to get out between her cries. Jasper tried to sooth her, reminding her that it wasn't good for the babies. Shannon and Oli got all of their things together as Emmett ran out the house, muttering about how stupid I am. I couldn't agree more.

**I know this is short, but I don't think I can write anymore for this. The next chapter will be up soon! **

**Thanks for reading and please review. **

**Oh, I have twitter so add me? Link on profile :D**

**Twi-girl09**

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	10. Chapter nine

**Enjoy!**

_There was more talking but it was muffled. When Alice came back in, she was in tears and she feel into Jasper arms. _

"_She looks…awful." She managed to get our between her cries. Jasper tried to sooth her, reminding her that it wasn't good for the babies. Shannon and Oli got all of their things together as Emmett ran out the house, muttering about how stupid I am. I couldn't agree more. _

**Chapter nine. **

**BPOV**

It has been a couple of months since Christmas now, and I have gotten better. Everyone has noticed a change in me, even I can see how much better I am. I know its sounds weird, but I think I needed that break down to really see how bad I was. I didn't like what I was and I changed it, for the better.

Edward and Bethany wanted to get married quickly and they planned it for the twelfth of February, or better known as tomorrow. I was invited, along with the children, and I willingly accepted. I don't know why I did at the time, but now I want to go, to get the closure I need. If I see them together and know there is no longer a chance for us, then I will be okay with everything.

Rose convinced me to go shopping and we picked up outfits for myself and her. Shannon is a bridesmaid along with Abby and Elizabeth, and Oliver is a pageboy, so they will be part of the wedding. All of the children are spending the night at Esme's, letting them all get ready together.

Rose offered to come over, and just this once, I gladly excepted her offer, but we ended up at her place. Emmett is staying with Edward and the boys. He was asked to be best man and I told him to except it. At first, Emmett was a little upset that Edward didn't tell him about getting re-married, again, before he popped the question, but he got over it. He was also upset because he knew how much it would hurt me. I wasn't bothered and after telling him a thousand times, he got it.

So, here I sit in Rose's living room, puppy on lap and glass of red in hand. As soon as Rose saw my Christmas present, she was in love. I had to laugh about the way she cooed over her. She helped me name her, and I love the name, Hope. It was perfect because I needed hope and the children gave it to me. Faith was also another name I liked, and Shannon said 'Scarlet' but Hope stuck.

Rose laughed at something on the TV, alerting me back to her. Hope jumped at the sudden noise in the quiet room and she hopped off my lap, going over to Rose. She willingly excepting the dog and let her on her lap, stroking the soft, white fur on the top of her head.

I rolled my eyes at Rose, as she talks to the dog and took a gulp of the wine. A few months ago, I would never have thought I would sit here, with Rose, our face's covered in face masks and drinking wine the night before my ex-husbands wedding. Well, our ex-husbands wedding. I often forget she was married to the same guy as me, it felt like Edward and I were together forever.

"I'm bored." Rose whined, downing the rest of her glass. I giggled a little, feeling a little buzzed from the bottle of wine we had finished. I'm not a light weight, but I was willing to let myself go, to let the alcohol take over completely. I don't drink often anyway, so the alcohol would take effect quicker.

"Me too." I agree, nodding. When I look back at her, she has a sly smile on her face and I suddenly regret coming over to Rose's.

"How about a little music?" She suggests. I gulp but nod, wanting to see what kind of music she had in mind. She claps and runs over to the CD player, picking a CD and putting it in. before I can register it, '_Girl's just wanna have fun_' is blasting through the speakers and I smile.

The rest of the night, we both danced like idiots, but we didn't care. Hope joined in, running around our feet and barking at us. We managed to get through two more bottles of wine, and order Chinese food. I was having so much fun and I didn't feel guilty about it. I didn't feel horrible for enjoying myself and it felt good to let my hair down for a change.

Eventually, we both passed out on the settee, both from alcohol and the fact it had gone midnight. When I woke the next morning, I was glad we had both taken the face masks off and put our pajama's on. Rose set her alarm for eight, but we both stayed asleep until half past. The wedding isn't actually until one, we just have to get ready and get there.

After breakfast, Rose dragged me upstairs and into the bathroom. I showered and shaved everything before getting out and going in to my old room, which is now Abby's and Elizabeth's. Rose and Emmett decided to stay here, in mine and Emmett's house until they can find somewhere bigger. They have a few places in mind, close to here of course, but they haven't fallen in love with anywhere yet.

I sat and looked out the window, remembering all the heartbreak this place gave me. When I was here, I felt lonely. When I was with Edward, in his house, I felt like myself. But now, looking back, I realized I depended on Edward too much. I think that is why it has been so hard to give up.

**EPOV**

I'm getting married.

That was the first thing I thought of when I woke this morning. Today is my third wedding day. Third and final. I promised myself and everyone else I would never get married again. I don't want to be like _Henry the eighth_, and kill all of my ex-wives. Well, I could never kill Bella and Rose would kill me before I could even try it.

"Edward. Get your ass out of bed, now. You have to get married today!" Alice yelled from outside the bedroom door. Bethany had the house with her bridal party last night and I stayed with Jasper and Alice in their spare room. My parents had the bridesmaids and pageboys with them, as well as Alice and her new daughters.

Morgan and Katy were born just a month back, being two weeks late. They both have Alice's hair and Jaspers eyes. They're both beautiful and just like Alice. Jay and Jake are very jealous of them, but they are Alice's babies now.

"I'm Coming." I groaned, rolling off the bed.

"Gross!" Alice gagged before going downstairs again. I rolled my eyes at her childish behaviour and went to the door, going downstairs. Arriving in the kitchen, I moaned in approval at all the smells. She had gone all out and cooked a huge breakfast, bacon, eggs, everything.

I basically inhaled my food before getting in the shower. I stayed in the shower for longer than normal, letting the warm water relax me. All too soon it got cold so I got out and threw a towel around my hips lazily. The wedding isn't for a few more hours so there isn't any rush. I do, however, have to go over to my parents house to see the children for a while. I want to help them get ready and spend time with them before the honeymoon.

I put on some jeans and a t-shirt, not having to put on my tux until later. Alice is driving me to our parents with the twins and Jasper is going to meet us at the church with Jay and Jake. Alice was already in the car, twins in their car seats when I got downstairs. I would have laughed at her eagerness, but I want to keep every part of me attached to my body.

I got in silently, clinging to my seat as Alice sped through the windy roads to our parent's home. I may be a reckless driver, but I have nothing on Alice. She is plain scary. I feared for myself and her new born babies, but breathed a sigh of relief when we got where we needed to be. She laughed at my face and shook her head, getting out the car and going to the door for Morgan. I also got out and unbuckled Katy, holding her to me.

The morning went fairly quickly and eleven soon rolled around. Shannon was getting ready with her cousins, Alice and Esme. Emmett was also getting ready, but he went home to do that. Oliver had been in his room for the past twenty minutes so, once I was dressed, I went to go and check on him.

I stood at the door and watched as Oliver stared at himself in the mirror. It wasn't a vein look, it was a speculating look, almost like he was searching for something, deep within himself. It was a hard stare for someone his age.

"What's up buddy?" I ask, walking over to him. He looks at me through his mirror and I smile. He smiles softly back.

"Nothing." He shrugs. I can tell he's lying because he breaks eyes contact with me.

"Don't lie. What's up?" I put my hands on his shoulders and stand behind him, keeping eye contact through the mirror.

"This is it. There is no chance for you and mom again." He sighs. I freeze, not expecting that, at all. When I get my brain working again, I turn him around, wanting proper eye contact.

"Oli, me and your mom are over, and we have been for a little while now. We both want different things." He huffs.

"She still wants you. You just want Bethany." He spits, turning around. I look at him in shock. I cant believe how rude he was. He adjusts his tie in the mirror.

"She left me Oliver." He winces. I never use his full name unless he is in trouble. "I love Bethany and I thought you knew that." He shakes his head, sadly, as if in disbelief. "Please don't hate me?" I ask.

"I could never hate you dad. Just because I don't like Bethany doesn't mean I hate you." I nod, accepting his offer.

"Now, lets go get me married." I grin. He rolls his eyes, just like his mother would.

"Yeah, sure." He sighs and leaves the room. I stay and try to tame my hair in the mirror, knowing it's pointless. After a full two second, I give up, knowing I really should do something about it, but not bothering. We all know it's useless, no matter how much gel or wax I use, it will never be tamed.

As if I didn't know it before, everything sinks in. I am getting married in less than three hours. I am going to be a married man, again. I can never date again, or go out for drinks with some random woman. I will be tied down, so to speak. With Bella and with Rose, I willingly threw my freedom away, but right here, right now, I don't know if it's the right choice for me.

I left the bedroom when my name was called. I sat with my children and parents all the way to the church, my head running with thoughts. I shook hands with everyone and smiled politely, my mind in a different place. My heart was thumping and I searched wildly for someone. I don't know who that someone is, but when my eyes landed on them, I knew exactly who I was looking for.

**Like it? Don't like it? I kinda like it, but its about my readers and not myself. **

**Again, I want to thank my amazing BETA CatieLardin, look up her stories! **

**I have twitter. The link to mine is on my profile. I am willing to answer any questions you have, both on Twitter and on here, of course. **

**Thanks for reading! **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	11. Chapter ten

**Enjoy!**

_I left the bedroom when my name was called. I sat with my children and parents all the way to the church, my head running with thoughts. I shook hands with everyone and smiled politely, my mind in a different place. My heart was thumping and I searched wildly for someone. I don't know who that someone is, but when my eyes landed on them, I knew exactly who I was looking for._

**Chapter ten. **

**ShPOV**

I sat in the back room with the rest of the bridal party. Bethany was gushing over how thin her dress made her look. I almost snorted out loud at that comment. It isn't that she isn't skinny, it's just that the dress makes no difference. It's far to puffy to be able to tell anyway. To be honest, she looks like something you would put on a toilet roll holder.

I could easily see into the church and wanted to laugh at Oliver and my Dad messing with their ties. It was like something you would see in some cheesy wedding movie, father and son doing the same thing.

When I looked back into the room, Bethany was looking at me with her eye brow raised. I wanted to flip her off, but I just smiled politely. She looked away, talking to her maid of honour. I really don't see what my dad sees in her. Sure, she's pretty, and nice, sometimes, but she isn't anything like my mom. I know I'm bias, but I'm not blind or stupid.

Seeing my mom break down, nearly everyday, hurts. My dad broke her, in many ways. She puts up a tough front, especially since everything that happened at Christmas. But, I can see behind the mask. I don't hate my dad for what he's done, but I don't particularly like him either. I hate going to stay with him, because I know my mom is at home alone, and I really don't like Bethany. Leaving dad's was okay, because he has her.

"I can't believe I am going to be Mrs. Bethany Maryanne Cullen." Bethany squealed. I wanted to throw-up, but I resisted the urge. "Mrs. Cullen." She sighed dreamily. This time I actually gagged a little. She heard, then turned her head and glared at me. Talk about if looks could kill.

"Do you have a problem?" She asked. I rolled my eyes, but didn't reply. "Go away. Go and annoy your father or something." I smiled happily and stood up, walking towards the door leading to the church. When she turned around again, she looked at me through the mirror. I couldn't resist it; I flipped her off before I left, laughing at the shock on her face.

I ran out the room in the stupid green dress she made me wear and laughed in the back of the church. I'm sure everyone was looking at me like I have four heads, or something, but I don't care, it only made me laugh harder.

"Shannon." I looked up when my name was called, tears streaming down my face. I could see my mom stood there next to Rose, shaking her head and waving me over. I took a few deep breaths and walked over to her, sitting next to her as she sat.

"Hi mom." I smiled and kissed her cheek. She smiled back and wiped under my eyes, taking away the tears with her thumbs. She did this all the time when dad first left. It was hard on us all, but mom took it the worst, as we all expected. She did walk in them, after all.

"Hey, baby." She sighed, looking over the dress with disgust. Yeah, I hate it too.

"How you feeling?" I ask, knowing how hard this has to be for her. She shrugs, taking a deep, shaky breath.

"She'll be fine." Aunt Rose butts in. "Now, why were you laughing so hard?" She smirks. I fill her and my mom in, and they are both laughing by the time I have finished.

**EPOV**

I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she walked into the church and took her seat toward the back of the room. She kept her head down, a chocolate curtain shielding her from everyone's stare. Rosalie was with her, holding her head up high and smiling at everyone. She's not ashamed to be the ex-wife. My heart wanted to beat out of my chest as I looked at her. It felt like our wedding day all over again. Me standing waiting and seeing Bella walk in.

Bella looked up and her eyes met mine. Her eyes looked over my face as I did hers. When our eyes met again, she smiled slightly and brought her hand up, waving at me. I was shocked, but I waved back and smiled my crooked grin at her, knowing how much she loves it. As soon as I did though, her hand dropped, as did her smile.

She sat and put her head down again, shielding her from me this time. I didn't have time to dwell on it, as Shannon came running out of the back room, laughing loudly. I quirked an eye brow at her but she wasn't looking in my direction.

I couldn't help but smile at her laughing form and shake my head. I laughed when she snorted, making herself laugh harder. Everyone was now looking at her, but she just carried on laughing, at what, I have no clue.

Bella stood up and called out Shannon's name, waving her towards her. I couldn't help but admire the way the her blue dress made her skin look so creamy. It only reached mid-thigh, but her shoes made her legs look miles long. Her hair had been perfectly curled and her make-up was simple and flawless.

Shannon joined her and they talked with Rose. Before I knew it, all three of them were laughing, tears streaming down all their faces.

"Ed, man. It's time." Emmett boomed from behind me. My heart stopped, and I looked at Bella. I couldn't take my eyes off her as she laughed, looking so carefree, so beautiful.

"Okay, I'll tell Shannon." I muttered, walking towards them. Bella looked up as I walked towards them and she wiped under her eyes, trying to breath properly again.

"Shannon, it's time to get ready." She just smirked at Rose and started laughing again. What is with her today?

"Shannon." Bella sighed, poking her in the side. Shannon squealed but stood up and left to the back room again.

"What's so funny?" I ask both woman.

"Well…" Bella started but my name was called at the front.

"Explain later. I have to get married." I sighed, and with one last glance at Bella, I made my way to the front, a fake smile on my face.

**BPOV**

"Explain later. I have to get married." He sighed. He almost didn't sound happy about it, but we all know otherwise. Edward smiled at us, but there was something about it, before walking to the front of the church.

My heart had been hurting all day. I thought I was over this. I thought I could sit here and smile through it all and stay for a little while into the reception. I thought I could wait until I got home to cry. My throat began to swell and I tried to swallow the lump in it. I tried to be brave and strong coming here, but the truth is I'm not ready.

"All rise." The vicar demanded. We all stood and I kept my head down. The wedding march started and so did my tears. I tried to wipe them away, but Rose saw and she grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. I looked up at her and smiled, wiping the tears again.

I followed everyone as the sat again. I didn't realise the whole wedding party was now in position, including the soon-to-be bride. To be honest, she looks awful. Her fake, dyed brown hair was up in a messy bun, like something you would do if you were going for a jog, not to get married. Her whole body, that was exposed anyway - which was a lot - was orange. Her fake nails were falling off and there was already a few missing.

"What does he see in her?" Rose asked me, quite loudly. I shrugged, really not knowing.

I didn't listen to the vows, busy wiping away all my tears. I could see how they were smiling at each other, but Edward's was forced. Shannon and Oliver looked so helpless up there, looking between me and Edward. I know that they want their parents to be together again, but its too late now.

Bethany said her 'I do's' and everyone looked at each other and smiled. Tears were running down Bethany's face and she would turn to us all and smile widely. Her eyes found mine and she smirked, but looked away before anyone could see it. Bitch. I looked down, waiting for all of this to be over.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, do you take Bethany Maryanne Lewis to be your wife?" I looked up and saw that Edward was looking back at me. I wanted to scream at him to stop, to tell him I love him and I want to be with him, but I stayed quiet. I begged him with my eyes to say no, to take me away from everything.

"Edward?" Bethany stage whispered. He slowly turned to look at her, but looked back at me with the corner of his eye. I stood and dropped Rose's hand.

"I'm sorry, I thought I could do this, but I can't." I whispered to her, getting out the row of seats and onto the aisle. I ran to the doors and threw them open, running out into the gardens. Sobs started to rise from my throat as I ran across the wet grass towards my car.

**Like it? Hate it? I'm not sure, but as always, it's your opinions. Sorry about how short it is, but i wanted to leave it here and I already have the next chapter ready. Again, Twitter link is on my profile. Thanks to my amazing BETA, as always. Go check her out - CatieLardin.**

**Thanks for reading and please drop me a review. **

_**Beta note- Sorry, I suck, she sent this days ago, and I was fail. My bad! Leave her some love, she deserves it! ~Catie**_

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	12. Chapter eleven

**Enjoy! Please be aware that there is swearing in this chapter. I am sorry if this offends anyone. **

_"Edward Anthony Cullen, do you take Bethany Maryanne Lewis to be your wife?" I looked up and saw that Edward was looking back at me. I wanted to scream at him to stop, to tell him I love him and I want to be with him, but I stayed quiet. I begged him with my eyes to say no, to take me away from everything._

_"Edward?" Bethany stage whispered. He slowly turned to look at her, but looked back at me with the corner of his eye. I stood and dropped Rose's hand._

_"I'm sorry, I thought I could do this, but I can't." I whispered to her, getting out the row of seats and onto the aisle. I ran to the doors and threw them open, running out into the gardens. Sobs started to rise from my throat as I ran across the wet grass towards my car._

**Chapter eleven. **

The rain was pouring violently as I ran out the church, getting me soaked instantly. I kicked off the heels Rose made me wear and picked them up quickly, aiming on getting home as soon as possible. I can't be here when he's gone for good. I can't sit and smile as he marries her. I'm not a strong as I though I was.

"Bella!" I carried on running but looked over my shoulder to see Edward running out the church towards me. I rapidly wiped at my eyes, sniffing. My tears were mixing with the rain, making everything hard to see.

I tried to speed up, but I wasn't quick enough. I felt a hand grab mine and turn me around. I didn't have to look up to know it was Edward. He didn't let go of my hand, clutching it tightly. I looked up and into his eyes. They were so intense it made all these different emotions come back to me.

"What are you doing?" I shouted over the roar of the rain. My voice was thick, but I don't think he could hear it, thankfully.

"I can't do it. I love you Bella! " I choked on my tears and looked away from him. It seemed like everyone was now outside, watching the show. I wanted to flip them off, but I couldn't do that.

"You're getting married. Everyone is waiting for you." I cried.

"I said, I still love you Bella. Bethany, she means nothing to me." I shook my head, looking at the ground.

"Please don't do this." I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. I can't deal with all of this right now. My head and my heart want different things. He's suppose to be getting married!

"Do what? Bella I _love_ you!" His voice was urgent, like he needed me to know.

"You cheated." I finally spat, shrugging off his hold on my hand. He groaned and tried to grab my hand again, but before he could, it collided with his face.

**ShPOV**

I watched wide-eyed as my mom hit my dad. There was a collective gasp as dad put his hand up to his face. I could see my mom smirking and I smiled a little.

"She hit him!" Bethany screeched. I wanted to roll me eyes. I think we can all see that. It looked like she was getting ready to run over, so Rose grabbed her, holding her back.

"You cheated on me!" My mom screamed. I looked over, seeing dad trying to get her to stop crying. It looked like she was going to hit him again, so he grabbed both of her hands, holding them to her chest.

"Stop!" He yelled.

Grandma Esme and Granddad Carlisle came to see what was happening. They didn't want to get involved and chose to stay with the children inside. All the adults got up when dad ran away from Bethany, telling everyone about how sorry he was. I could see in his face that he was going to go after mom as soon as she stood up. They are meant to be.

"Let me go. My fiancé needs me." Bethany huffs, struggling against Aunt Rose. She just glared at her, raising her eye brow and daring Bethany to fight back. It's quite funny to see Bethany give up and whimper in fear.

"He isn't your fiancé anymore. In case you didn't notice, he went after my mom. He left you at the alter." I smirk. Emmett booms with laughter, putting his hand up for a high-five. I shake my head and he lowers his hand, a pout on his childlike face. I roll my eyes and put my hand up, to which he smiles and high-fives me.

Its hard to stay mad with Emmett. Everyone has to agree with me on that. At Christmas, my mom was pissed. Emmett had promised they would all come to us for dinner, but they went to Carlisle and Esme's instead. My mom refused to talk to him, seeing as it was his plan. They all admitted that they were coming to mom's but Esme wanted to see the children. They were all giving us time to ourselves in the morning and were on their way when we arrived at Esme's. Emmett had pouted and my mom caved. She said that she couldn't hate her big brother. He was there when she needed him.

"Poor Bella." Esme sighs.

"Poor Edward." Carlisle adds. We all turn to look at him in disbelief. He just shrugs.

"Fuck it, poor everyone." Emmett puts in.

"Emmett! Language. How dare you use those words in a place of worship!" Grandma scolds. He looks like a little child and pouts again. She shakes her head and glares at him. He soon apologises.

"Bella, please listen to me." Dad begs as mom turns away form him.

"You had nothing to say when our marriage was falling apart. Oh sorry, you probably did but you were to busy fucking with that whore on your desk. In a hospital of all places." She spits. Most of the crowd that had gathered go back into the church, most likely getting ready to leave. I don't think anyone would be getting married today.

"Let me explain." Dad grunts in frustration.

"It was our anniversary. Do you have any idea how important that was for me? I had everything planned. Rose was going to have the children. I was willing to start trying for that baby we wanted. But no, you were to busy making babies with someone else!" I could tell that my mum was in pain. Her voice gets all strangled and thick. I just want to go over there ad hug her. She has always been there for me and Oli and it's time she was looked after for once.

I ran over to my mom. She was sobbing into her hands and dad was stood there, looking helpless. I glare at him and pull my moms hands away from her face. She lets me hold her and she cries into my shoulder. The wetness from the rain, her tears and her clothes get me soaked instantly. I let a few of my own tears fall as my mom cries. I know she cries, I have seen her, but she tries to hide it from Oli and I. I will admit, she's not very good at doing it, but when she cries like this, its scary.

"Why do you have to make all of this difficult. You promised you wouldn't hurt her anymore!" Emmett yells, running over. Before anyone can react, dad is on the floor holding his jaw.

"I didn't want to." Dad defends weakly.

"I agreed to be your best man because you promised you would do everything you could to not hurt my sister. Look at her!" Emmett looks really scary as he glares at my dad. "Look at her!" He roars.

My mom cries harder, holding onto the back of this awful green dress.

"I didn't want to hurt her!" Dad spits onto the floor, crimson splutters out of his mouth and drips down his bottom lip.

"Well you have. How could you get engaged to Bethany in the first place. You don't love her!" My dad gets off the floor, standing in front of us all.

**BPOV**

I cried harder into Shannon's shoulder. I could feel and her see her crying along with me as she took in the scene. I should be the one comforting her, but my head wont register anything. I want to run away from here, to get as far away as possible. I want to crawl into my bed with a sappy chick flick and a bottle of red. I want to curl up with some disgustingly expensive chocolates and listen to cheesy love songs. I want to be anywhere but here.

"Look at her!" Emmett repeated. He kept saying it, like it would change anything. I wanted to fall on the floor and pull at the grass, maybe I should. It might help all of this anger and hurt and fear. I could laugh at all of my silly thoughts, but I think I might throw up if I was to laugh.

"I have Emmett! I wish I could take her pain away, but it's too late now." Edward says, getting quieter towards the end. A shiver runs through my body, the cold wind mixing with the rain. I wiggle my toes, trying to get the feeling back into them. Maybe I should have kept my shoes on.

"Why did you get engaged again anyway. Two ex-wives not enough for you?" Emmett mutters sarcastically.

"I can't tell you." Edward shakes his head. The rain and my tears have taken away all of my make-up now and I must look so bad.

"Well, you don't love her." Emmett pushes. "Do you?" He pushes some more.

"No. I only love one person and she is right there." I lift my head off Shannon's shoulder to see him pointing at me. I sniff once and shake my head at him. He can't love me. If I know he does, everything will be so much harder.

"Then why get engaged to her?" Shannon asks. I look away from Edward over to the church door. I see Esme and Carlisle stood there, looking sad. Rosalie is holding Bethany back and she looks pissed. Well, they both do. Alice and Jasper are just behind Esme, each holding a tiny baby in their arms. Alice must have had to girls, seeing how they are both in pink dresses. Alice catches my gaze and smiles sadly. I want to flip her off. She hurt me, just like her brother did. They all did. Instead, I look to Oliver who is stood in the front, watching the scene with wide eyes. I feel bad for the kids. They got all dresses up for nothing. I know how much Oliver hate getting dressed up. He would live in her boxers if I would let him.

Edward mumbles something, but none of us hear him.

"What?" Shannon asks, glaring at her father. He mumbles something else, but again, we can't hear it.

"Spit it out!" Emmett yells, his anger coming back again. I can't let him hit Edward again, it's his wedding day. I want to scoff at the thought, but I hold it back.

"She was pregnant!" He yells, his green eyes blazing.

And just like that, my world goes blank.

**Hmm, like it? Hate it? So much drama, right? **

**I want to thank, once again, my amazing BETA CatieLardin, who puts up with my crappy writing and grammar and makes it readable. So thank you!Thanks for reading and please leave me a review. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	13. Chapter twelve

**Enjoy!**

_Edward mumbles something, but none of us hear him. _

"_What?" Shannon asks, glaring at her father. He mumbles something else, but again, we cant hear it. _

"_Spit it out!" Emmett yells, his anger coming back again. I cant let him hit Edward again, it's his wedding day. I want to scoff at the thought, but I hold it back. _

"_She was pregnant!" He yells, his green eyes blazing. _

_And just like that, my would goes blank. _

**Chapter twelve. **

**EPOV**

I watched as Bella's eyes shut and she slowly fell to the ground. The rain pelted heavily on her as she lay there, her head resting on the wet ground. Shannon dropped down next to her, tried to get her up, but it wasn't working. Emmett finally noticed and ran forward, picking Bella up and holding her bridal style. He glared at me before running back to the church, Shannon not far behind.

Carlisle held Esme as silent tears ran down her face. Alice and Jasper were just shocked by the whole thing and both Bethany and Rosalie looked ready to kill me. They may not like each other, but their faces are practically identical. The vicar was stood behind my family, his face blank. He instructed Emmett to take Bella into the back room telling him to warm her up before she catches a cold.

I was about to go in the room when three hands grabbed various parts of my body. Carlisle and Rosalie grabbed either shoulder and Oli, who I hadn't noticed before, grabbed my hand. I shrugged off all but Oli and bent to his level. He looked sad and I felt horrible instantly.

"What's up, buddy?" he sighs at my question and looks over to Bella who is laid out now on the small settee in the back room.

"Is mom going to be okay?" He asked, his voice thick. I nod and brush some hair out of his face.

"I sure hope so bud. Why don't you stay with Grandma and Granddad while I check everything out?" I suggest, looking at Esme and Carlisle. He nods and goes over, standing next to Esme. She puts her arm around his shoulder, holding him close.

I get back up straight and walk to the front of the room, eyes following from every direction. When I got to the front of the room, I looked at all of my family and friends, then to Bethany's. They were all looking curious, obviously hearing and seeing everything that had happened moments previous.

"I am so sorry everyone, I know many of you have taken time off of work, or gone out of your way to be here today, and for that I am grateful. But the wedding is off." Many people gasped or mumbled something to one another.

Bethany , however, shrieked and ran up the aisle, coming straight for me. her face furious. I swallowed and stood my ground, getting ready for anything.

"What? The wedding isn't off! What are you talking about?" she screamed, getting everyones attention again.

"Yes, it is, because I just said it was." I sigh. "Bethany, can we talk please," I ask, pausing to look behind her. "Preferably in private." She looks behind her, at everyone before nodding.

The vicar showed us into another room and Bethany sat on one of the chairs. I hadn't noticed before, but silent tears were running from her eyes, mascara dripping onto her dress, leaving black spots there. My heart clenched at how depressed she looked, but in the back of my mind, I knew this was for the best.

Bella and I are meant to be. You can't have Romeo without Juliette, Catherine without Heathcliff, Edward without Bella. She is the bread to my butter, the mother to my children. I need her just like she needs me. I know she still loves me as well. The connection we share is far to deep to throw away the way we did. We should have fought for our marriage. We should have made this work.

I sat in the chair opposite Bethany and took in her shaking form. She had started sobbing and used her dress to wipe her eyes, black smudges staining both the dress and her face. That dress cost a small fortune and it was almost hard to see it get ruined. Its not like I wanted the money back, but I thought it could compensate her in some way. I know its nowhere near enough, but it may help a little.

"I am so sorry." I mumbled, but she only cried harder. I want to comfort her, but I don't know anymore. I used to hold her and tell her everything will be okay, but I can't do that anymore.

"Why?" She cried out, her voice strangled.

She didn't look up at me, but I could imagine the hurt in her big, brown, doe eyes. I can just see the way her eyes glisten with tears, but don't have that spark anymore. It's like her life has been taken away and she is just holding on. The same eyes as when we lost our baby.

"Why?" She asks again. I groan and put my head in my hands.

"I still love her, okay? I still love Bella. I know I shouldn't and I feel horrible about it all."

**BPOV**

My head is spinning and my wrists are throbbing painfully. I could tell, even through my closed eyes, that it's still day time. The light was shining through, whether it is real or artificial, I don't know. Hushed words were being spoken, but I couldn't make any of it out.

Whatever I was laid on was extremely uncomfortable and I wanted to move, but I can't get my body to co-operate. My mind is racing, trying to work out what ever happened to make me feel like this in the first place. I can vaguely remember arguing in the rain with Edward and Emmett. Shannon was there to. Edward said that Bethany….

My thoughts trailed of when my stomach lurched. I groaned and squeezed my shut eyes tighter, trying to keep the tears at bay. She was pregnant? Is she still pregnant now? Is this why they are getting married, because he feels they need to? We weren't married when I had Shannon. But then again, he was married to my best friend.

"Mum?" Shannon asks. I open my eyes and she sighs in relief.

"What happened?" I asked, lifting my hand to my head, hoping it would stop the spinning. However, I hissed in pain as a sharp shock runs up my arm. I look down at it, seeing it swelling and already going purple.

"You passed out and landed on your wrist." I nod and l cutched my left wrist to my chest, holding back the tears. It really hurts.

"We should get you to the hospital, it looks broken." Emmett adds. I look over at him, my face blank.

Everything that has happened to me in the last few years, Emmett hasn't been there for me. He's team Edward. No-one is team Bella. Well, maybe my children are, but they have to be. I am the reason they are here after all.

"No hospitals." I say, nodding my head at myself. I want to cry some more, but all I seem to be doing is crying.

"Well, let Granddad at least look at it." Shannon pushes. I raise my eyebrow at her, questioning her sanity. How long has it been since me and Carlisle, or any of the Cullens for that matter, have been on speaking terms?

"No, I am fine. I have twisted it, nothing else."

"But Mom, what if it's broken?" She asks. I shake my head.

"It isn't broken." I say with finality. I am not being used over for no reason. "Now, I am going home to get out of these soaked clothes."

After assuring Rose I was okay, she offered to drive me home. I turned her offer down, not wanting to be in a car with anyone right now. Shannon and Oliver wanted to stay with me, but I told them to stay with their father. He probably needs them.

I got in the car, starting it and putting my foot on the peddle. I was about to turn the wheel when my wrist throbbed painfully again. I let out a yelp and clutched it again. Tears filled my eyes without my permission. What is it with me crying all the time? With a sigh, I get out the car and go back into the small church.

If I have to, I will get a cab home, but I just need to know my car will be safe. I couldn't see Emmett or my children anywhere. All of the guests were looking at me, some glaring. I guess they know I'm the reason this wedding didn't happen. Well, not really. Edward didn't have to run after me. He chose to come to me instead of staying and saying his 'I do's'. I am not at fault here. Bethany is. She stole my husband away from me, away from his family. I gave him my everything and I thought he did to.

"Bella?" A soft voice asks. I look to my right and see Esme stood there, Carlisle at her side.

"Yeah?" I ask, my voice quiet.

"Are you okay?" She asks. The soothing tone in her voice makes everything come back to me. All the kind words, the mothering that she gave me. I miss Esme the most out of everyone I lost. I thought she would be the one that wouldn't leave. I kind of expected it from Alice and Jasper even Carlisle, but not from her. My second mother.

I shake my head, tears swimming in my eyes. She immediately comes forward, but stops herself, her own eyes swimming in tears. I wipe my tears with my good arm and ask where Shannon is. She tells me she is with her father and I nod.

"Can you tell her I got a taxi home and that I need someone to take my car home." She nods, but look suspicious.

"Why cant you drive?" With a groan of defeat, I show them my wrist. Carlisle immediately goes into doctor mode, checking my wrist and asking what hurts. I tell him what hurts and what doesn't.

Before I know it, I'm sat in Carlisle's office, a cast placed over my wrist and up to my mid-arm. Who knew I broke it? Just something else on my list to look after. Shannon rubbed it in, telling me she 'told me so'. Emmett laughed and shook his head at me, making me shake my head at him. He shut up after I glared at him.

I got a blue cast, making me smile. Blue has been my favourite color since I can remember. I did like green, but not since the divorce. That color reminds me of his eyes. The way they used to glimmer every time he looked at me. The excited jade dancing with love whenever he looked at our children.

I shook my head of those thoughts, offering Carlisle a small, timid smile in thanks. He told me how to look after it, and myself, and that I have to come back in two weeks for a check up. I agreed and Emmett helped me off the examination table. As soon as my feet were back on the floor, I shook his hold off, glaring at the floor. He looks hurt, but I cant find it in myself to feel bad.

Shannon sat in the front seat of the car on the way home. I sat in the back whilst Emmett drove. I picked at my cast absentmindedly, looking out the window. My whole life, I have forgiven others, been the mother of all my friends. I have always put others before myself and I am fed up with being walked all over.

I've had enough, it's time I looked after myself.

**Love it? Hate it? **

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**Twi-girl09**

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_**Betanote~ Many apologies dears, I have been serious fail lately. Make sure to show our girl here some love, she deserves it! **_


	14. Chapter thirteen

**Enjoy! **

_Shannon sat in the front seat of the car on the way home. I sat in the back whilst Emmett drove. I picked at my cast absentmindedly, looking out the window. My whole life I have forgiven others, and been the mother to all my friends. I have always put others before myself and I am fed up with being walked all over._

_I've had enough; it's time I looked after myself._

**Chapter Thirteen **

A week after the wedding, that almost happened, I'm already fed up with my cast. I can hardly do anything with it on. Oliver and Shannon have been at school, leaving me at home on my own. Work is slow when I go, but they have given me some time off.

My mind has been all over the place. My heart now knows how Edward feels, and it wants to give him another chance. It wants him to come back, to stop all the hurt, but my head knows that he doesn't deserve another chance. It's telling me to find a handsome, rich guy and live a life I know I don't need. My children will be happy for me no matter what I choose. They're the only constant I have.

My mother has been calling me non-stop. I really love my mom, but her constant begging of me to visit is getting to be too much. I know I should go and see both her and my dad, but I have far too much to worry about right now. The children are in school and I can't leave them here with Edward. I think my mother wants to see them more than she wants to see me anyway.

My dad will probably grunt at me before demanding Oliver to watch the game with him. Of course, Oliver will be more than happy and we won't hear from either of them for the rest of the time we are there. My mom will find something exciting for her and Shannon to do, and I will be left on my own to dwell in my thoughts, just like I would be doing here anyway. Basically, I don't want to go.

I politely declined her offer, but promise we will visit soon. I know if we don't go, they will come here, and I really don't want them to come over. If they see the way I am "dealing" with my divorce they will try to ship me to Phoenix with them. I like it here.

Rosalie somehow convinced me to go out with her tonight. I refused, of course, but Rose told me I had no option. I haven't been out in a very long time, or drank at all, but I know I need to let my hair down. Edward is taking the children this weekend, and Rose's parents are taking her girls. The thought of high heels, make-up, and a crowded bar really didn't sound appealing so I chose jeans and Converse; the crowded bar thing can't be helped. Rose didn't put up much of a fight about the jeans and let me do my make-up for a change.

Emmett and Rose are a bit of a sore subject at the minute, and they both know it. I think they have both realized they are not in my good graces and are doing everything they can to try to make things right. Rose is winning the race between the two of them. I refuse to be alone in a room with Emmett and it is making Rose cocky about me forgiving her quicker than I have forgiven Emmett.

Sitting in the car with her, now, somehow feels like old times; before Shannon was born and before her and Edward broke up. The only difference now is that Rose is madly in love and I am pining over something I can't have. Rose is talking about something I don't know about and singing, occasionally, along with the radio. I am perfectly content with pretending to listen whilst looking at everything we pass. She's driving tonight and Emmett is coming to pick us up later. She promised to look after me and I am holding her to it.

When we eventually pulled up at the club, nearly every guy whistled at Rosalie. Why wouldn't they? Even after having two children, her figure is still perfect; her mile-long legs and stunning face. She even has perfect hair. The bouncer eyed me before letting us in with no ID, and we didn't even have to wait in line. The rest of the line groaned as Rose strutted past them and into the club, every pair of male eyes on her.

The bar was, as I expected, crowded. The smell of perfume, sweat, and alcohol filled my nose, making me wince at the strong smell. Rose smiled and swayed to the music, pulling me along with her. I smiled and swayed along, feeling completely out of place.

"I'm going to get a drink," I tell her. She nods, grabbing my hand, and pulls me towards the bar.

"Four shots and two vodka and coke's, please." She winks at the bar tender and he jumps to get the order. He smiles seductively at us, and Rose flashes her wedding ring, making him frown slightly. He gets our drinks and Rose gives him the money.

The shots go down easily, even after not drinking for a while. We order another round before going to find a table. Guys swarm around Rose before she kindly tells them she's taken and happy. Some crude remarks are made, but she just giggles, making me laugh along with her.

We sit for an hour, sipping our drinks and catching up. Music blasts from the speakers, making it impossible to hear anything anyone is saying, but we try our hardest. Within twenty minutes, my throat is raw from yelling, but the slight buzz is making it dull quickly.

"Come dance with me," Rose yells, getting close to my ear. It isn't a question. I get up and let Rose drag me to the dance floor, laughing the whole way.

Dancing with Rose makes me forget, for a while. The pain leaves, giving me hope that I can get over everything and that I can finally move on and be me. I know I probably could get over everything with little help, but there is always a doubt in the back of my mind.

"Bella?" a voice asks in my ear. I turn around and look at the person who said my name. A huge smile spreads across my face and I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Jacob!" I squeal. He hugs me back and I can feel his smile against my neck.

He takes my hand and drags me from the middle of the dance floor. I turn to see Rose dancing with some girl she knows and she waves me off, not even wanting an explanation. Jacob takes me out to the front of the club, where the music is just a dull buzz.

"It's so good to see you." I beam, hugging him again.

"It's good not to see you pregnant," he laughs. I pull out of the hug and hit his chest lightly.

"I'm being serious," I scold and he chuckles.

"So am I." I roll my eyes.

"No seriously, how are you? You look incredible." I blush at his comment.

"You don't look so bad yourself." I wink playfully.

"Why thank you," he says, using a really bad English accent.

Bantering back and forth with Jake seems weird. It's like we didn't lose contact for the past fifteen years. He makes me feel better. He said he was sorry to hear about Edward and I divorcing, but added that himself and Leah had broken up a few years ago. They share joint custody of their son, Paul.

We talked for what seemed like ages. We went from being outside to back into the club, catching up in a quiet corner. The drinks were flowing amazingly fast, almost too fast. The buzz I was feeling was becoming more and more known as the night when on. Rose came and checked on me before going to dance some more. I felt bad for abandoning her, but she said she was okay.

The pain in my chest feels better. It hasn't healed completely, but it feels better. Being with Jacob makes my head stop throbbing and I feel like myself again. The way he throws his head back when he laughs makes my stomach fill with butterflies. I am thirty six; I'm not supposed to feel like a school girl, but being here, right now, with Jacob, I do.

Being here with Jacob makes me feel alive again. I can't help but watch the way his tongue sweeps out across his bottom lip, collecting the alcohol that rests there. I like the way his muscles flex whenever he moves. The short sleeve shirt he's wearing leaves me with a delicious view of his toned arms. I am in love with my ex-husband. I shouldn't be feeling like this about someone else, but I don't want it to stop.

"So what did you end up naming your daughter?" he asks, his voice hard to hear with the loud music.

"Shannon Rose." I smile, sipping the coke Jacob brought for me. I played with my straw, twirling it in my fingers and catching the drops from the bottom of it. It isn't lost on me the way Jacob watches my lips.

"That's nice," he says, clearing his throat half way through.

The alcohol clouding my mind finds this extremely funny and I bark out a very un-lady-like laugh. He blushes at getting caught but doesn't look ashamed.

"My son's called Oliver," I add. He smiles and nods.

"You have a son." He cocks his head to the side, taking a gulp of his pint.

"Yep," I pop the 'P'. "He's twelve and Shannon's fifteen. She'll be sixteen in a few months." He nods.

"Paul's ten, eleven in a few weeks, actually." I smile at the information.

"Dance with me?" I ask before I can stop myself. He nods and stands up, taking my hand and walking with me to the dance floor. It's getting late now and most of the people have gone home or been thrown out. I could see Rose's blonde hair at a table in the corner, talking to some red headed girl. She told me earlier that she met her at work and they had gotten close. She also told me the girl's name, but I have completely forgotten it now.

The feel of Jacob's hands on my hips brings me back to what I'm doing and I press myself up to Jake's chest. We sway to the music at first, but we end up grinding on each other. My whole head is telling me this is a good thing, but my heart has a different opinion. My heart is telling me that this is wrong, that it belongs to someone else, and this just isn't right.

"Bella?" I look up at Jacob, wondering what's wrong. However, I feel his lips on mine before I can ask.

His smooth lips mould over mine, his lips taking my top lip in his. I gasp, not expecting it. I don't, however, stop him. I let him kiss me. I let myself feel his body up close. My mind and my heart freeze. My lips start to work, moving with his. I feel his tongue glide over my bottom lip and I open my mouth, letting his tongue enter. He slides it across mine and I can taste his minty breath, along with the alcohol he had been drinking.

When he pulls away, he looks me right in the eyes before kissing me again, this time with a passion.

**Hmm, well. Love it? Hate it? Despise it with a passion? **

**I know it's not one of my bests, but exams have been at the front of my mind. I had my last on this morning so I hope I can get back to my writing again. **

**Please leave me a review and tell me exactly what you think. **

**I want to send out a huge thank you to - booty492 - who BETA'ed this for me as my BETA is not able to do it. So thanks a million! Check out her stories. I have read them myself and they are awesome! **

**Thanks for reading. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	15. Chapter fourteen

Enjoy! This chapter is slightly more mature than the last, so I apologise in advance if some readers don't like it. There isn't any lemons, but there is talk, or thoughts in Bella's case, of things like that.

_**When he pulls away, he looks me right in the eyes before kissing me again, this time with a passion. **_

**Chapter fourteen. **

**EPOV**

My whole life has changed in under two weeks. My whole head has been swimming with confusion. My family have been trying to help me through everything, but I know what I want. She just doesn't want me anymore.

So many times I have nearly called her, begged her to hear me out. I want to tell her how I feel. That night outside the church wasn't enough. She knows how I felt about her, before everything with Bethany happened, she just needs to know that those feelings haven't changed. The children have been amazing, not judging me for my problems. My family have also been supportive of me, but I can see their looks. They hate me for everything. I hate myself.

I asked Shannon if there was ever another chance for her mother and I. She just shrugged and told me I had screwed up royally. I wanted to scold her for her language, but she is right. There is no other way to say it. I have screwed up and everyone knows it.

When my parents told me about Bella hurting herself, my heart hurt. I wanted to go and see if she was okay, but they stopped me. Carlisle promised me that she was okay and he would keep me updated on her recovery. I know it has nothing to do with me, but I need to know.

Bethany hasn't spoken to me since our 'wedding' day. I don't blame her. I wouldn't speak to me after that either. Her whole family have told me exactly how they feel. Let just say I don't want to bump into them anytime soon.

Esme is worried about my safety and my health. I do eat, but I don't have an appetite anymore. I hurt to much to eat. Carlisle couldn't care less, to be honest. He hates who I have become. I'm not me anymore. Everyone has told me that since Bella and I split, I have become a different person. I don't feel that I have changed, but I know deep down, that I have.

My children don't want to spend much time with me anymore. Instead of having them every other week, I have them over the weekend now. Shannon has insisted its because of school and her majorette training, but I know different. I can see that Oliver wants to spend time with me, but feels he shouldn't. He wants to stay loyal to his mother and I understand that.

"Dad, can we go home now? I need to practise." Shannon asks, coming into the front room and twirling her baton in between her fingers. I think she called it a finger twirl?

"Can't you practise here? It's only eleven." I ask, checking the clock to confirm my statement. She huffs and twirls her baton faster. She does that when she's annoyed.

"No, I need to go home. I left my mace there." She rolls her eyes as if it was obvious.

"Get your brother then." I sigh. She nods and screams Oli's name up the stairs. After a few bangs and crashes, he is out the front door and in the car, Shannon right behind him.

I have really screwed up.

**BPOV**

My head pounds as I open my eyes. Light streams in from the slightly open curtains, making me wince. Who left them open? I shut my eyes again and stretch my back out, letting the joints pop. I wipe under my eyes, before opening them again. Everything that happened last night is fuzzy, a clear indication that I drank to much. Its strange, I can remember feeling sober when everything was happening.

I bring my arms up, going to put them behind my head. I, however, freeze when I hit something with my fist. It groans and I sit up, eyes wide open and looking to my left. I see a pair of warm black eyes and my eyes widen even more, if that is even possible. The black eyes also widen, shock all over his tan face.

Jacob stares back at me before his eyes drop to my exposed chest. My face flashes crimson and I pull the comforter up and over my body, holding it with my under arms. Flashes of last night come back to me and my stomach drops. I slept with Jacob. Its was passionate, it was rough, it was hot. Flashes fill my mind and I look over at Jacob, still seeing everything in my mind.

I can still feel the way his hands roamed my body, making me feel alive for the first time since the divorce. His mouth was hot against mine, moving in a rhythm with my own. Own tongue clashing with every movement. I can still see the way his eyes blazed when he looked at my nude body. The way everything he did made me feel. It was amazing.

He seems to be seeing it all too and his face is confused. I can feel the tears build in my eyes and I try to blink them back. Why? Why did I sleep with Jacob? Did he want that as much as I seemed to? My stomach dropped with a last thought. Does he regret it? I look straight forward, keeping my face emotionless.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, wiping away a tear that trickles down my flushed cheek. My voice sounds flat, but anyone could sense the pain in it. Is it wrong for me to feel dirty? To feel like I had cheated on Edward? My heart clenched painfully at the thought of Edward, after everything he had done.

"Do you regret it?" He asks, his voice sounding like a little child. I look at him and see his eyes swimming with emotion. He doesn't regret it.

"I cant remember much, but what I can remember, I don't regret." I admit. He sits up and takes my hand, pulling me over to him. I bury my face in his neck and let him hold me.

This feels so right, but so wrong at the same time. To feel the comfort of a mans arms is so familiar, but so different. These aren't the arms I'm used to, but I could see myself getting used to them. I could see myself being with Jacob.

"I don't regret it either, Bella. It was amazing." He kisses the side of my neck, holding me close.

"Is it horrible of me to not want you to leave just yet?" I ask. He shakes his head no, and lays me down onto the bed. I look up at him as he caresses my face just before his lips join mine.

~R~

A little after eleven, Jake and I have showered and are sitting in the kitchen, eating some breakfast we made. I would catch him smiling at me every now and then. Every time I did, my stomach would feel with butterflies. I would smile back and his eyes would light up.

When we got out of bed, I looked in the mirror and nearly screamed. On the right side of my neck was a huge hickey. Jake apologised, but I told him to stop. It made me feel young again. He smirked and offered to give me one to match. Of course, I blushed, which made him laugh.

Although he seemed happy enough, he would look at the ring on my necklace and sigh. I have never managed to get rid of my wedding ring. I'm not ready to through away fifteen years of my life, just like that. Not many people know I still have it. I was going to give it to Shannon, but when I went to hand it over, I just couldn't. I gave her my engagement ring and she keeps it on her right ring finger, but my wedding ring. I just can't.

"Bella, I really like you." Jacob admits. I notice his ears tinting a little pink, and I bite my bottom lip to stop from giggling like a little school girl. I turn my head down and look up at him from under my lashes, my lip still between my teeth.

"I really lik-" I was cut off however when a car horn beeped.

I frowned, looking at the clock. Thinking it was for the neighbours next door, I ignored it. Well, until there was a loud bang on the door only seconds later. With an apology to Jake, I get up, and go towards the door. Opening it, there stood my children and ex-husband. Shannon smiled before running upstairs. Oliver waved goodbye to his father before running into the living room. The TV was heard less then a minute later.

Edward, however, he was staring at me. I blushed under his gaze and looked down, only to blush deeper. I had completely forgotten I was in nothing but Jake's shirt. I pulled at it, trying to make it a little longer. I peeked up at Edward and he was still staring at me.

"The children wanted to come home early." He mumbled, his eyes still on me. They have taken to running up and down the length of my body.

"Okay. Thanks for bringing them back." I mumble, still blushing bright red. This is far to awkward.

"Mom! Who's the naked guy in the kitchen?" Shannon yells, running out to me from the kitchen. I laugh at her face. I think its between shocked and stunned. As if on cue, Jake swaggers out of the kitchen, a smirk on his face. I raise a brow in his direction and he shrugs. He walks over and wraps an arm around my waist, eyeing Edward.

"Jacob, you remember Edward right?" He nods and holds a hand out for him to shake. Edward looks at Jake's hand, then places his on into it as if it was diseased. I roll my eyes.

"Well?" Shannon asks, her voice getting quieter. She was looking over Jacobs body like he was a piece of meat. Like mother, like daughter.

"Hi, I'm Jacob. I met your mother when she was pregnant with you. Funny story. She was-" I hit his chest, stopping him from saying anymore. How embarrassing would that be. 'Hi, I'm Jacob. I met your mother when she was trying on kinky underwear.' I think I would die. He laughed, making me smile some.

"I have to go." Edward, mumbles before turning on his heel and running back to his car. My heart drops and I feel pain in my stomach. Jake holds me closer and the pain numbs slightly. Not gone completely, but it feels better.

"He cheated on you." He whispers in my ear, as if he knows my pain. I nod and sigh before taking his hand and taking him back upstairs.

As soon as we are dressed again, we go down stairs to introduce him to the children. Oliver was glaring at him and Shannon was practically dribbling.

"So, how old are you?" She asks.

"I'm thirty-seven." He winks at me and I blush.

"Do you like younger women?" She asks, flashing him a grin. I narrow my eyes at her.

"I like women around my own age." He squeezes my hand.

Shannon carried on asking him awkward questions. He knew exactly what she was getting to. She likes him. It's slightly wrong, considering he is the same age as her father, and what we did last night. He's older than me, for goodness sakes.

Jake left around one, promising to call me. I kissed him goodbye at the door and watched him leave. My whole body felt the pain full force as soon as he left. It's like he was making me better. He makes me feel alive again. Wanted and loved again.

I'm in deep already and I know its far too soon.

**Like it? Hate it? For all the team Edwards out there, have faith. ;) I am also team Edward, although Jacob is very nice to look at. **

**This hasn't been BETA'ed because y BETA is still unable to do it. I have read through it myself, but if you catch any mistakes, I am sorry. **

**Thanks you all for reading and Please review. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x **


	16. Chapter fifteen

**Enjoy!**

_Jake left around one, promising to call me. I kissed him goodbye at the door and watched him leave. My whole body felt the pain full force as soon as he left. It's like he was making me better. He makes me feel alive again. Wanted and loved again. _

_I'm in deep already and I know its far too soon. _

**Chapter fifteen. **

**BPOV**

I watched Jacob go, feeling the dull ache return. I waved and leaned against the door frame, making him smile and wave back. He is still the same as when I met him all those years ago, but much more of a man now. He has grown, but not lost his personality if that makes any sense.

He has grown mentally, more than likely due to the fact he had a child and being with Leah for so long. He told me that they were never married, but were engaged. He didn't talk much about it, but said that they had grown apart. Work and the pressure of a child was to much and they fell out of love with each other. That, and the fact she was sleeping with his cousin.

He asked about what happened between Edward and I. I didn't want to tell him, but because of the alcohol that was in my system, it all spilled out. I told him everything. How I found them, how messy the divorce was for me. I even admitted that I still love him. He told me that he knows how I feel, but would I settle for second best.

Hearing Jacob call himself second best broke my heart. He could never be second best. He is sweet, charming, beautiful and just all round amazing. I told him just that and he shrugged, asking if I would. I shut him up with a kiss. I think I had a bit to much liquid confidence.

Oliver went up to his room as soon as Jacob left, mumbling something about his x-box. Shannon, however, smirked at me with her eye brow raised. I also raised my brow, folding my arms over my chest. She rolled her eyes and let her face go back to normal.

She asked me loads of questions, some I didn't have answers for. After I stopped answering her questions, she took her mase and went outside, swinging it around. She has her first competition this year on Saturday, a week from today. She knows she has the routine perfect, but she still doubts herself. She always has, even though she is the best her age and years older than her.

I got to work cooking and cleaning, not knowing what else to do with myself. I was going to see if they needed me at work, but now the children are here, I cant really leave them. Plus the cast would get in the way at work. Jacob thought it was cute and pouted when I said he couldn't sign it.

I was just putting a tray of brownies in the oven when the phone rang. I cursed under my breath and ran to the phone.

"Hello?" I breathed into the phone.

"Hey B, how's the head?" Rose groans from the other end. I smirk at how bad she sounds.

"It's good, yours?" I ask loudly, holding back me laugh.

"Ugh, Bella. Don't scream." She whines. I do laugh at this.

"Sorry Rosie." I coo. She snickers on the other end me letting me know I am forgiven.

We didn't stay on the phone long, just long enough for her to question what went on with Jacob. I blushed the whole time, giving her a few details, but not all of them. She of course whined, wanting more, but I told her that that was all she was getting.

When she hung up, I took the brownies out of the oven and put them on to a plate to cool. Oliver came in and hugged me around the waist, shocking me but then he proceeded to steal a brownie and run upstairs. I laughed after him, not having it in me to scold him. They both know they shouldn't eat treats before their dinner.

I looked out the window, seeing Shannon in the garden with her mace. She really is very talented. I know I am suppose to say that, being her mother and all, but she really is. Every judge that sees her gives her high scores. She is yet to get anything below the three quarter mark. She has perfect posture and such elegance that it makes you jealous watching her. She holds herself with grace. I don't know where she gets it from, but then again, she is a Cullen.

Whenever she has a competition, she trains hard for days on end. Sometimes skipping meals just so she can be out there, swinging her baton around. She took to the sport like a duck to water and I can see her doing it for the rest of her days. She wants to be a doctor, but she has talked about starting a group, teaching younger girls exactly what she was taught.

**EPOV**

Shannon and Oli didn't talk to me the whole way back to Bella's. Every time I tried to talk, Shannon would glare at me and Oli would sigh. After a few times of trying to strike conversation, I gave up. It's like trying to talk to a brick wall. You don't get an answer and they ignore you. The rest of the ride was uncomfortable. I never thought this would happen. I have always been close to my children, but as everyone has said. I have changed.

I know its still early, but Bella was always an early riser. Up before everyone in the house, making breakfast and doing the house work. Even when she was up most the night with the children, I always came down to a fully cooked breakfast and Bella fast asleep leaning on the table. I can remember I would pick her up and take her back to bed, leaving her with a light kiss. I shake those thoughts out of my head, concentrating on only the road. It's no good to dwell on the past, even if it means so much.

I pull up at Bella's, seeing all of her curtains closed. Maybe she hasn't opened them yet? The kids run out of the car, getting their things out of the boot. I went straight to the house, banging on the door. I know It's rude, but I need to get home. Seeing as I don't have the children anymore, I said I would fill in at the hospital.

The children soon join me on Bella's porch. Shannon was about to get out her keys when the door flew open. Bella stands there in nothing but a large, male looking shirt. The children don't give her a second glace, running into the house in different directions. Bella blushes then looks down, blushing even deeper. I keep my eyes on her amazing body. I haven't seen her like this in years. Hundreds of memories come rushing to the front of my mind and I swallow hard.

"The children wanted to come home early." I tell her, my eyes roaming her body.

"Okay. Thanks for bringing them back." She mumbles, her face still red. I smile a little at her shyness. It isn't like I have never seen her like this before.

"Mom! Who's the naked guy in the kitchen?" Shannon screams. I frown. Who would be naked in Bella's kitchen? She isn't likely to have a naked guy in her house period. Bella laughs a little as Shannon comes running to us, standing in between. Her face is a mixture of emotions, ones I can't work out.

A tall, tan guy come out of the kitchen, a smirk on his face. Bella looks at him and he shrugs before walking over and wrapping an arm around Bella's waist, his eyes on me. He has no shirt one, which explains what Bella is wearing. His torso is muscled and he flexes his chest, as if to intimidate me. I roll my eyes, a very Bella like thing to do. This guy looks familiar, but I cant put my finger on it.

"Jacob, you remember Edward right?" Bella asks. _Jacob_ nods and holds a hand out for me to shake. I look at his hand, expecting it to lash out at me. I see Bella roll her eyes as I finally put my hand into his.

"Well?" Shannon shrieks, probably wanting her question answered. Shannon looked at Jacobs arms and was practically dribbling. I wanted to growl at him, to at least put a shirt on in front of my under age daughter.

"Hi, I'm Jacob. I met your mother when she was pregnant with you. Funny story. She was-" Bella hits _Jacob's _chest, making him stop talking. I suddenly remember who this guy is. He asked Bella out when she was pregnant. If I remember rightly, he asked her out when she was trying on underwear.

I'm suddenly grateful for Bella stopping him talking. That would be awkward. Sure, Shannon knows how and why she was conceived, but she doesn't like to talk about it. She wants us to be a proper family and she was conceived through love, not through a tube.

"I have to go." I tell them all before running back to my car, jumping into the front seat. I speed away from the house, my chest tight and my stomach aching. Tears fill my eyes as I speed away from Bella's house. Away from home.

**Like it? Hate it? Want to strangle Edward? Sorry it's short, I am major busy right now! **

**I only got a few reviews for my last chapter and I cant help but think I am going wrong somewhere. Please review so I know I still have a reason to write. **

**I know he seems like a pig right now, but he is trying to deal with everything going on in his head. **_**(Beta-note; Please leave her some love, she deserves it. Plus, Bella's got get her groove back, and Edward's gotta earn it. It shall get better again, I promise. ~~Catie)**_

**I want to thank my BETA, who is back and able to edit this for me, so thank you ~ CatieLardin. **

**Thanks for reading and please review. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	17. Chapter sixteen

**Enjoy! **

_I have to go." I tell them all before running back to my car, jumping into the front seat. I speed away from the house, my chest tight and my stomach aching. Tears fill my eyes as I speed away from Bella's house. Away from home. _

**Chapter sixteen. **

**BPOV**

For the next few days, Jacob and I were texting non-stop. I had grown to love every text, his cute little smiley faces and his attempt at slang. Of course, some of it was wrong, but I didn't want to correct him on it. The children would often catch me giggling for no reason, staring at my phone. It was humiliating at first, acting like a teenager in front of my teenagers, but I got over it.

The children and I haven't heard from Edward at all since the day he dropped the children back. Not even a text to arrange the time he will pick them up next week. He would also text the children daily, to ask them how their days had been and if there was any news. Not a single text. The fact he had given us no contact, whatsoever, really annoyed me.

And, for the life of me, I couldn't find a single reason for him to be like this. The children, as far as I know, have done nothing wrong. I know for a fact I have done nothing wrong. Sure, Edward saw me and Jacob, what ever me and Jacob are, but still, he had Bethany. He had Bethany and he threw her away, like he did with me.

I wont feel sorry for Edward and I will enjoy my time with Jacob. Why should I let a chance like this go because my ex-husband doesn't like it? I gave everything to Edward and now it time for me to gain what I gave away, back again.

I don't regret anything in my life and I would never go back and change any of it. Everything I have been through has made me who I am today. Growing up with the people I did, having the experiences I did, made me who I am. And I like to think I am a good person.

I have always given to everyone, not willing to take anything back in return. I would always be willing to help. I gave up my own body to give my best friends a baby. I know that I didn't really, but that was the whole reason for me being pregnant in the first place. I was going to give both Rose and Edward a baby, and I was going to do it with my head held high.

I was drawn from my thoughts when my phone beeped, signalling a new text message.

**Hey bootiful ;) **

**Jst thot I wld say hi! 'n' ask hw ur day is goin? **

**Wen can I c u agn?**

**Jake x x**

I smile down at my phone and pressed reply, thinking over what to put. I would really like to see Jacob again, but I have the children for the next week. I know I could always ask Edward to have the children one extra night, but I'm not sure he would say yes if he knew why I was going out.

I could always ask Emmett and Rose. I'm sure they would say yes, but they have enough with their jobs and their girls. Both Abby and Elizabeth are growing into such young ladies and Rose always says how much of a handful they both are. Of course she secretly loves it, but she cant help but moan a little. With a sigh, I go back to my reply.

**Hi Jacob! **

**I'm good thanks! And you?**

**I really don't know, Jacob. I have the children for the next week or so. I'm sorry. **

**Bella x**

I sent the text and put my phone on the counter next to me. Shannon was out in the garden, twirling. Her competition is tomorrow and her nerves are stating to kick in. if she would drop her baton, which is very unlikely, she would frown and pick it back up, pushing herself even harder.

She asked me this morning if her father would still be going to watch her tomorrow. I told her honestly that I didn't know, but I was sure he wouldn't miss it. She nodded and ran up to her room, her music blasting not two minutes later.

Oliver sits on the floor in the living room, his homework in front of him and the end of his pencil in his mouth. He's chewing on it, a deep crease between his browns and his bronze locks all over the place. I smile and make my way over to him, sitting on the floor next to him. He looks up and smiles before looking back at the math in front of him.

"You okay, Oliver?" He sighs and shakes his head no.

"I don't get it." He mutters, his voice laced with shame.

"It's okay, darling. Would you like me to help?" I ran my hand throw his soft hair, trying to make him a little less stressed. His learning problem gets on top of him sometimes and I try to make it easier for him. He nods and shifts the papers over a little for me to see.

For the next hour, Oliver and I sat on the floor in the living room, me trying to help him understand all the equations, some simple and some harder. He eventually began to understand some of the easier ones better, but he still has a hard time understanding the more difficult ones.

"Thanks mom." He smiles up at me after we finish the last question. I smile back at and kiss his forehead.

"No problem. Now, go put that away so you don't lose it." With a nod of his head, he's up the stairs.

_**The next day… **_

When I woke the next morning, I got straight out of bed and grabbed a quick shower. I had to wake Oliver as soon as I was dressed and I headed to the kitchen. Shannon was already in the garden, her baton in the air as she did an impossible amount of spins. I rolled my eyes at her.

I started breakfast while Oliver was in the shower. I could hear all the water running through the system and I turned the tap on after fifteen minutes. I heard him yell and I giggled to myself. I know I'm mean, but I couldn't resist.

I called Shannon in and she inhaled her food before running up to her room to get ready. She chooses to get ready here, than at the competition hall so she has longer to practice. No matter what anyone says, she pushes herself harder and harder.

As soon as eleven o'clock came round, Shannon came running down the stairs. Her hair is up in a messy bun, curls falling around the back of her neck and her fringe in a quiff. She has her competition outfit on, a dark blue leotard and a slightly lighter blue skirt over the top. Her make-up is flawless, blue eye shadow and silver glitter twirling around her eyes and down her cheeks. She grinned at me and passed me her mace and baton's so she can slip on her white dance shoes.

We were all in the car by eleven fifteen and I could feel the nerves coming off of Shannon. I wanted to talk to her, to ask if she was okay and what was bothering her. I didn't however, knowing she wouldn't say anything anyway.

We pulled up outside the hall and she kissed my cheek before running in. Oliver and I parked the car up before following behind Shannon. When we found her, she was talking to her trainer, getting last minute tips she doesn't need.

The competition went on for a few hours and Shannon came away with a three gold medals and five trophies. She won six of her competitions and came second in the other two. I thought she would have been extremely excited, like she normally is, but she just sat in the car, tears swimming in her beautiful eyes.

"Baby, what's up?" I ask her, twirling one of her curls around my pointer finger. She bats my hand away, tears now falling down her cheeks. She doesn't answer, but sucks in a shaky breath, wiping her cheeks free from tears. Her make-up smudging all over her hands and down her face.

"Shannon, please answer me." I sigh, glancing at Oliver in the back seats. He shrugs and takes to looking out the window.

"He didn't come." She mumbles and my blood boils instantly. I knew this would upset her. He didn't even let her or anyone else know he wasn't coming. He promised the children when we broke up, that he would be at every game and competition. He promised them.

The whole way home, I gripped the steering wheel tightly, listening to my daughter cry. Oliver put in his headphones, probably not wanting to hear his sister cry like she was. I just wanted to find Edward and ask him what he was playing at.

When we arrived home, I text Edward, telling him to get over here now. Shannon ran up to her room, slamming her door then the bathroom door. Oliver came over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me. I ran a hand through his hair, letting him take away my anger. I don't want to argue with Edward, but he should have told her he wasn't coming.

I took Oliver with me and sat on the settee, letting him snuggle into my side. The children and I haven't really had time to just be together, in a long time. Between work, school, hobbies, being with their father and anything else that comes up, our time has dwindled. I miss being able to spend time with my small, but amazing family.

It wasn't until after dinner when Edward showed his face. We were all sitting on the settee, watching a film when he stumbled in, unannounced. As soon as he entered the room, the smell of alcohol hit me ad I glared at him. He just smirked and dropped into the recliner. His chair. I hadn't been able to get rid of some of his stuff yet, not being able to move most of it myself.

"Hello family." He slurs.

"Shannon, Oliver. Why don't you go on upstairs, I need to talk to your father." They nod and scamper out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

I turn of the television and glare at Edward, my gaze icy. He looks confused at my look, but shrugs it off.

"What did you want?" He asks rudely.

"You didn't turn up at Shannon's competition today. You promised her you would be there." I snap. His eyes widen.

"That was today? Why wasn't I told?" He yells, standing up and walking over to me. I stand up too, not wanting to be lower than him.

"Because, you haven't answered any texts or tried to get in contact with any of us. You have known for months, Edward." I yell, completely pissed now.

We stand there, glaring at each other for at least a minute. I was about to ask him to leave when his gaze flicks to my lips. My eyes widen and I shake my head, facing away from him so he doesn't get any ideas. Before I can react though, he has my face in his hands and is lowering his lips to mine.

**Like it? Hate it? I know its not very good, but I needed this to be out. I am sorry. **

**Thanks again to all who have read this and who review every chapter. It does mean a lot. **

**CatieLardin, you are amazing, as always. Thanks for doing this :D (BTW, check her out, she is an awesome writer!) **

**Thanks for reading and please review. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	18. Chapter seventeen

**Enjoy! **

_**BPOV**_

_We stand there, glaring at each other for at least a minute. I was about to ask him to leave when his gaze flicks to my lips. My eyes widen and I shake my head, facing away from him so he doesn't get any ideas. Before I can react though, he has my face in his hands and is lowering his lips to mine. _

**Chapter seventeen.**

**ShPOV**

Sitting in the car all the way home I couldn't stop thinking about who wasn't there. All my friends from school were there, even some of the people that don't particularly like me. They had all turned up to support me, like anyone who truly loves or likes you should. But he didn't show. He promised me that he would be there.

Getting home, I ran straight for the bathroom, washing away all of the make-up smudged down my face. More hot tears spilled down my cheeks as I waited for the water to warm up in the shower. How could he do this?

At first, I thought he was just late. But when I started my first dance, then my second and third, I realised he wasn't going to come. I felt jealous. Jealous of who he was with, what he was doing. I felt jealous because he has never missed a game that Olive had played. I felt like he loved him more than me. Of course, I would never tell anyone this. I love my brother, don't get me wrong, but I cant help but feel that deep down, he's more loved than I am.

Getting into the shower, I slump against the wall, letting the scolding wall pelt down on my head, mixing with my tears and helping to disguise them. My heart hurt. Is this what my mom felt like when she caught him cheating on her? Is this why she cries herself to sleep almost every night?

It wasn't until later in the evening when he finally turned up. As soon as he came in, I could smell the alcohol on him. He slurred something, but I didn't quiet catch it, to busy to hold the tears in. he would rather be out getting drunk than see me perform?

Mom told me and Oliver to go upstairs and I was straight out of my seat, glaring at dad as I walked past him. Oliver follows me and I shut the door after him, letting our parents have their privacy.

Taking my little brother up the stairs, I leave him at his bedroom, charging towards my own. How dare he? How can he have the nerve to come here, in that state he is and start yelling at my mom. I can hear them now, yelling at each other. Falling onto my bed, I let the tears fall. I trusted my dad. I thought he was the only guy I could ever trust. I thought he would support me through everything, just like any other dad would with his children.

My door opens and I look up, seeing Oliver with his own tea on his face. I sniff and open my arms for him, letting him come over. He doesn't need more than that, running over to me and falling Into my arms. I try to calm him down, letting myself be comforted with his presence.

The yelling gets louder and louder before the door slams and loud sobs fill the silence. It sounds like things are getting thrown around and Oliver whimpers, burying his face in my shoulder. I just hold him, wanting everything to be okay again.

It goes deadly silent downstairs, making my hair stand on end. Oliver looks up at me, silently asking if everything is going to be okay now. I offer a small smile and unlock my arms from around him, going towards my door.

"Shannon! Where are you going?" He hisses. I turn and put my finger a my lips at him, telling him to be quiet.

I open the door silently, going into the hall. Small, broken cries float up the stairs and I rundown them, seeing my mom sitting in a complete mess, her blooded hand clutched to her chest.

"Mom!" I run over to her and she falls into me, crying into me. I cry with her, letting my own pain out in this room of destruction.

**BPOV**

Panic sets in as his face gets closer to mine. I can smell the alcohol on his breath and a trace of cigarette smoke. His eyes are intense, but slightly blurry, making me think he is far to gone to be thinking clearly. With that in mind, I turn my head just as his lips make contact with my cheek.

When he pulls back, I look at his confused face and my heart drops. He looks truly devastated that I rejected him, like he has been hit or something.

"Why did you move?" He slurs. I glare at him, my anger coming to the front.

"Why did you cheat?" I scream at him. He flinches and his hand leaves my face as he stumbles backwards, falling onto the floor. I tower over him, looking down at his pathetic face. My heart hurts, but I cant forgive him. He may be hurting now, but he hurt me too.

"Well? Was she better than me? Did she make you feel good? Make you feel young?" These questions have been going through my mind since we broke up. I couldn't face him after I caught them and we didn't speak about what happened. It hurt to much to think about it, let alone talk about it.

"No of course not!" He snarls, the angry Edward coming out now. I knew this would happen. Drunk Edward is always before drunk, angry Edward.

"Well, why did you do it? Wasn't I enough?" I ask, my voice now lower, knowing the children could probably hear all of this.

"She was there. She came on to me and I didn't stop her! Can you blame me? You were never around anymore and she's hot!" I recoil like I had been hit, putting a hand on my chest as the tears fall.

He looks almost sorry for saying what he did, but I don't let him touch me when he tries.

"Please leave." I whisper, the pain flaring in my chest.

"Bella, ple-" He advances towards me again.

"I said get out!" I scream, picking up the remote from the table and throwing it at him. He ducks and runs out the house.

A loud wail leaves my lips and I go to the flower pot, throwing it across the room. Everything I can get my hands on, gets thrown somewhere until I put my hand through the glass coffee table. I fall to the floor with a sob and clutch my bleeding hand to my chest, wanting the pain to go away.

Shannon comes down the stairs, holding me to her and crying with me. Deciding that I needed to get my hand seen, Shannon rang Jacob to come and get me. He was in the room with me within minutes, holding me and telling me that he's here for me. I just nodded, my head spinning with everything that has happened today.

This is Shannon' day. We should be celebrating. I tell her this and she shakes her head at me, telling me I have done her a favour. When I ask about this, she laughs, telling me she came second in a few dances and that, that is nothing we should celebrate.

Jacob takes me to the hospital while Shannon stays at home with Oliver. An on-call nurse saw to me and said I was okay just to be bandaged up, no stitches needed. She also looked at my broken hand and said it should be back to normal in a few weeks.

When Jacob and I got back, Rosalie and Emmett were in the living room, picking up broken glass and putting things back to where they should be. I could see Shannon, Olive, Abby and Elizabeth all sitting in the kitchen, talking quietly amongst themselves.

Rosalie spots me first and she runs over, pulling me into a tight hug.

"I am so sorry." She whispers hen she pulls away. I smile sadly at her. Emmett's next. He comes over and picks me up, making me feel like a little child again.

"I'll kill him. I am so sorry I wasn't here fro you before." I nod but cant find it in myself to hate Emmett anymore. He's my brother. Sure, he was an ass before, but he is trying to make it up to me.

When Emmett put me down, Jacob took my hand and lead me up to my room. I wanted to tell him I wasn't up for any funny business, but he just took my to my bed and laid with me. Whispering that he's here for me, and he's not leaving me till I tell him too.

Listening to his words, I drift off into nothing.

**This is soooo bad! I am truly sorry. I have had a really crappy day and I didn't want to leave it any longer to update. I really am sorry and I feel horrible. Also, I am sorry its short. **

**Thanks you all for reading and please leave a review, they make me happier and I only got a few for the last chapter. **

**A big THANK YOU to CatieLardin for BETA'ing my chapters for me and being a star, even with my horrible writing skills.**

**This isn't BEAT'ed as she is busy, but i hope you like it anyway. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	19. Chapter eighteen

**Hey everyone! I am so sorry about how late this is. I am actually writing this at school, because I broke my laptop charge. I am getting a new one in the next few days and updates should be regular again. I also have writers block and I am fighting my way through it, but it is bringing me down. I will apologise in advance if this has any mistakes, as I no longer have a BETA. My old BETA can no longer do this for me as she has other things to do. I want to thank her for everything she has done thought (: **

**Enjoy! **

_When Emmett put me down, Jacob took my hand and led me up to my room. I wanted to tell him I wasn't up for any funny business, but he just took me to my bed and laid with me. Whispering that he's here for me, and he's not leaving me till I tell him too._

_Listening to his words, I drift off into nothing._

**Chapter eighteen. **

**Six months later…**

I can honestly say that I feel better now than I have in a long time. I feel healthier and I feel more like myself. My children have noticed the change in me and to be honest I can see it too.

After my slight freak out in my living room, Emmett and Rosalie convinced me to see a doctor. I did, and they said I had depression. I felt like such a failure. I felt like I couldn't look after myself, therefore not looking after my children. Both children have been so supportive. I should be the one looking after my children, not them looking after me. They both came with me when I went to my doctor's appointments and both made sure I took my medication.

We haven't seen much of Edward. When he comes to get the children, he stays in the car and waits for them there. He knows I have depression, and he's not too great himself, so the children say. They think he's going through the same thing as me, but I always see him with a smile on his face.

Yes, I will admit, I look out the window when he pulls up and as soon as he sees the children; his smile doesn't leave his face. I smile when I see the children, but I don't look as happy as he does. I hate him for that. He's the reason I am like this. I will admit he is the reason. I loved him so much and he broke my heart.

I see Emmett and Rosalie often, they bring Abby and Elizabeth with them and it sure does brighten up a bad day. I get bad days and I get good days. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day, hiding under the covers. Others, I want to go out to the park with the children and play games.

I have been working at the shop, but it's so boring. I am trying to look for another job but people don't want to employ someone with depression. That and I have children that need to come first.

Oliver has carried on playing football and he is getting better and better every time I watch him. Emmett is so proud. Shannon's majorette trainer thinks she could go far and has offered Shannon extra classes. She jumped at the extra training and is hoping to go national anytime soon. I will always support her and she knows that.

Edward has agreed to help pay for everything Shannon needs, which is a great help. Her training is cutting close to one-hundred dollars a month now. That, feeding myself and both children as well as everything else we may need takes most of my wages, if not all of them. I'm just glad Emmett teaches Oliver for free, family and everything.

Today, the children and I are going to the shops for Shannon's sixteenth. She thinks we are going shopping then going for a meal. The truth is, I have spent the past month getting all her friends together to arrange a surprise party. They have all been amazing in not telling her, better than I thought they would be actually.

I have managed to get hold of the Cullen's, which was a great help. I spoke to Edward, through text, and he agreed to sort out the hall and the invitations. I suspect Alice and Esme will help. I hope they will, Edward isn't the most creative person out there. Rosalie and Emmett are going to meet up with the Cullen's at the hall later and make sure everything is okay. I would go, but I need to keep with the act.

Walking through the streets, Shannon points out things she likes and I smile and nod, my head running over everything and making sure I got everything. Oliver looks truly bored, and I feel bad for him, but he needs something to wear tonight to. Shannon pulls us into a store and runs over to the dresses.

Picking out a strapless, silver dress, she throws it over her arm, heading for the shoes. I roll my eyes when she gets a pair of six inch black stilettos. It's what she wants, I suppose. Adding a little shrug-cardigan and a clutch bag, she goes to the dressing room, telling me to wait so she can show me.

Oliver is still grumbling to himself, so i hand him some money. He thanks me and runs out the store and into the games store opposite. I can help by smile at the innocence of my son. I truly love both of my children with my whole heart.

I gasp when Shannon walks out of the changing room. She has taken her long hair down, leaving it in curls around her shoulders. The silver dress is tight around her body and flows down to mid thigh. The shoes make her legs look miles long. She looks beautiful.

"Oh, mom. Don't cry." She huffs, rolling her eyes. I smile, despite the tears slowly running down my cheeks.

"You look so beautiful." I gasp out, taking her in my arms. She hugs me back before pulling away and wiping her thumbs under my eyes, collecting the tears there.

"I'll get changed then we can find you something to wear." I nod and she walks back into the changing room, surprisingly steady in the six inch heels.

Paying for her outfit, we go into a different dress store after collecting Oliver. I find something I like almost instantly. It's a midnight blue dress that is tight on the chest then flows down to just above the knee. Shannon finds me some flat black shoes and I pay for it after getting my size.

Oliver wants jeans and a shirt, so that's what he gets. When we have got our outfits, I drop Oliver off at a friend's house, and then take Shannon to the nail salon. Two manicures and pedicures later, we are both getting our hair done. Shannon had her long hair straightened then curled while I have mine curled and put into a bun.

Getting ready with Shannon was a fun event. It didn't take that long for us to get ready, but it was still fun. Putting the dresses on, I inspect myself in the mirror. Turning from side to side, I try to find something special about myself. My pale skin makes me look ill and my eyes look to dark to fit in. I suppose my hair looks okay, but it's not as nice as it used to be. I have lost a lot of weight recently, but I am getting better.

"You look so beautiful mom." I turn and smile at my daughter. She has grown up so fast. I can still remember sitting with her in the hospital, telling her I love her. I can remember how it felt to give her to Rose, how much it took to not yell at her for stealing my baby.

"Me? You're the beautiful one." She blushes and I smile.

"I get it from you, you know." I shake my head and take her in my arms. "Mom! Make-up." I chuckle and kiss her cheek.

"Come on, or we will miss our table." She nods and takes off, strutting down the stair in the god-awful heels. I follow after her, yelling for Oliver to hurry up.

"I'm ready mom." He sighs. He is wearing his new outfit and his bronze hair is all over the place. He smiles Edward's smile and my heart melts.

"My handsome boy." I kiss his cheek and he wipes at his face, moaning about lipstick.

I call us a cab, telling Shannon we have to meet Rosalie and she will take us to the meal. When she asks why, I tell her I want a drink. She asks me if I should be drinking when I am taking tablets but I ignore her. Soon the cab pulls up and we file in. I tell him to take us to a hall, the one we hired for her.

We get there and Rose's car is the only one in the lot, like planned.

"Mom, why is Rose even here?" She asks.

"One of Rose's friends asked her to help re-decorate the hall and she agreed." She nods and I breathe out in relief. We all get out the car and I tell her to go on as I pay. I soon catch up with her and I open the door. She walks forward, her feet on the floor. It isn't until a loud chorus of 'surprise' rings out, that she looks up. Her jaw drops as she sees all of her friends and family in the hall.

"Surprise." I whisper in her ear. She beams and turns to face me, putting her arms around my neck.

"Thank you so much. I love you." She squeals. I giggle and she runs in, hugging everyone she can get to. I follow her and go over to a table, putting my bag down and sitting on one of the chairs.

Oliver is talking to some of his friends. I said he could invite some because I knew he would get bored if it was just Shannon's friends and her. I can see Shannon dancing with everyone, her two best friends holding either hand. I smile. I can remember being young and having best friends like she does. I can remember having friends.

I go and get a glass of water before sitting back down again and taking my medication. I wasn't planning on drinking tonight, I just knew I wouldn't want to drive later when the party finishes.

"Hey, B!" Rose yells over the loud music. I smile as I swallow the horrible tablets.

"Hey. Good party." I comment. She nods and looks around.

"Abby, stop doing that! Elizabeth, don't!" I chuckle as she marches over to her children, stopping them from what ever it is they are doing.

"Bella?" I look to my left to see Esme stood there. I smile timidly at her and stand up. She looks amazing in a red dress that goes to just under the knee. She is wearing a pair of black heels, only a few inches, and her hair is styled, much like mine, but much classier.

"Hi, thanks for coming." I mumble as the song stops and changes.

"Thank you for inviting us. Shannon looks amazing." I nod and smile at my daughter, waving back when she waves over.

"She chose the outfit herself." I admit. "She chose mine to." I say, pulling the hem to make it longer.

"You look beautiful." She smiles. I shrug, feeling ugly next to her. Why do all Cullen's have to be breath-taking? Before I can stop her, she has me in her arms, holding my tightly. As soon as the shock wears off, I wrap my arms around her too, letting her hold me like a mother would hold their child.

"I have missed you so much." I admit tearfully.

"Not as much as I have missed you." She replies as she takes her hands and places them on my face, cupping my cheeks and wiping the tears away. She has her own on her cheeks, but she still looks beautiful.

We both stand there, looking like idiots, but I don't care. Esme hugs me again, before going to get her drink. She joins me at my table and we talk for a while, catching up on everything we have missed since the divorce.

Our catch up, however, is soon interrupted.

**Sorry it's really bad. Writers block and all. **

**Please review and thank you all for reading. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	20. Chapter nineteen

**As you all know, I was going to delete this story, but every time I go to do it, I re-read all of your reviews and see all of your support and I cant bring myself to do it. I want, no I **_**need**_**, to finish this story for you all. So many people support me and you all deserve to have the ending. So I will try my hardest to finish this for you all. The chapters will probably be shorter and a little rushed, but at least it will get finished, right? I am sorry for any confusion, but as of right now, this story is still going. Thanks to everyone. **

**Enjoy!**

_We both stand there, looking like idiots, but I don't care. Esme hugs me again, before going to get her drink. She joins me at my table and we talk for a while, catching up on everything we have missed since the divorce._

_Our catch up, however, is soon interrupted._

**Chapter nineteen.**

A pair of big, warm arms wraps around my waist and I smile, feeling the comfort the arms offer. His lips press against my neck and Esme looks over my shoulder at him. I smile at her then turn and press my won lips against his.

"Hey." He breaths as soon as we separate. I smile in return.

"Jake, this is Esme, Edward's mother. Esme this is my boyfriend, Jake." He wraps one arm around my waist and puts the other one out for her to shake. She does and offers him a small, forced smile. I furrow my brows, wondering what the matter is with her.

"Excuse me dear, I have to go and talk to my son." I nod and she walks over to Edward who has just arrived. Jakes other arm turns me so I'm facing him and I smile up at his beautiful face. His lips meet mine again, this time he deepens the kiss and I let him. His tongue brushes my bottom lip and I open my mouth slightly, letting our tongues dance.

We pull away and he kisses my forehead, leading me back to the table and sitting down.

"You look amazing." He whisper-yells over the music. I blush.

"You don't look too bad either." I tell him shyly. He chuckles and winks at me, taking a sip of the beer I didn't realise he had.

Looking around the room, I can see Shannon dancing with all of her friends. I smile. My daughter has truly grown into a very beautiful young lady. All of her friends are being amazing and haven't even hinted they want alcohol.

I don't mind that they drink it in their own time, that's their parents problem, but I would rather my children not drink it until they are at least eighteen. They know that and respect my wishes, thank goodness. If they didn't, I don't know what I would do.

Jake pulls me up to dance and I follow slowly, not wanting to injure myself or any others at my daughters' party. We sway slowly to the beat, my hands around his neck and his on my hips. Shannon keeps shooting us looks and I just laugh. I'm still young and I can enjoy myself if I want to.

Oliver is out on the field with his friends, kicking a ball around. Emmett is out there so I know he and his friends will be fine. Not even a complete idiot would want to take Emmett 'The tank' on. I snort at the name he gave himself when we were children. He used to cry is anyone just called him by his real name. That or guilt trip them into using 'The Tank'.

Jake and I dance for a while and I just get lost in the feel of him holding me. Even after all this time, I cant help myself but compare this to the way Edward used to hold me. With Edward, I felt amazing and with Jake, although it feels good, it still feels different. The warm feeling is there, but it isn't as intense as it is with Edward.

Looking up, I see Edward and he looks over to me, as if he can feel my stare. I knew he was there, I could feel him and I think it was the same for him. He smiles his crooked smile and my heart swells.

However, guilt washes over me, making the pain in my chest flare. I'm here with my gorgeous boyfriend and I'm thinking about my ex. Jake deserves so much better than that, but I don't think I will ever get over Edward. I should let Jake go and grow old alone, it may be the best thing for all of us.

"I need to get some air." I yell over the music. Jake nods and I head towards the door, keeping my head down and focusing on my feet.

The cool air feels good on my flushed face as soon as I get outside. Without all the stress from inside, it feels like I can breath again. I take in deep lungful, letting myself relax or a few moments. The door behind me opens and the air turns electric. I don't have to look to know who it is.

"Bella?" I take a deep breath and turn to face him.

"Yeah?" I whisper, my eyes meeting his. The intensity in them startle me.

"I miss you." A sob escapes my lips and tears slide down my cheeks. I turn away from him again, looking out into the night. I want to tell him that I miss him too, that I would do anything to have him back, but I can't.

"It doesn't change anything." I breath, wiping the tears. Thank goodness for waterproof mascara.

"It can, Bella. Please, give me another chance." He comes closer to me and takes my hand, turning me to face him. I look at the floor, but his hand takes my chin, forcing me too look up at him.

"It can't Edward. You hurt me!" I yell, my emotions all over the place. How can he just come out here and say all of this? He doesn't have the right to make me feel this way, not anymore.

"I cant turn back time, but Bella, I need you. Being without you is like not breathing. It makes me hurt and I try and gasp for air, but I cant do it. I need you, Bella. You are everything to me. You gave me two beautiful children, a home, a life. You gave me you and that is everything I could have ever wanted or needed."

His words make my chest ache and I launch myself at him, my lips attaching to his. Our kiss is heated and we both put all of our longing into it, letting everything out. As abrupt as out lips met, I pull away. I cant help but feel guilty.

I just cheated on my amazing boyfriend. Amazing Jake. I am disgusting. I am just as bad as Edward. He cheated, I cheated. I cant believe I just did that. I wipe at my mouth, my eyes frantically looking into Edwards.

"Bella?" I whirl around and see Jake stood there, looking between me and Edward, his brow furrowed.

"Jake." I walk to him and he takes me in his arms. "I don't deserve you." I cry. He just shakes his head and glares at Edward.

"Baby, what going on?" He asks me, but his eyes are on Edward.

"I kissed him." I admit, feeling like a totally whore. He breaths out deeply, but looks at me with nothing but adoration.

"It's okay. Lets go back inside." he takes my waist and tries to pull me inside, but I stop him.

"I cheated and all you have to say is 'okay'?" I ask in disbelief.

"You hardly cheated Bella." He chuckles. I just shake my head at him, still in total disbelief. My heart is hurting, worse than it has in a long while. I thought I was okay. I thought I was normal again. I guess I was wrong.

We go back inside, and Shannon comes over to me, asking me what's happened. Trust her to know something is wrong. I just tell her not to worry and her best friends pull her off, begging her to dance with them.

Edward comes back in after us and I try not to look at him. I can't. I don't think my heart will take anymore pain right now.

**If you haven't already, please read the AN at the top. **

**Thank you so much for reading. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	21. Chapter twenty

**Thank you for sticking with me on this story. I am sorry for the time between updates. **

**This is the last chapter and the epilogue is left. Thank you all for sticking with me on this. It means a lot. **

**Enjoy! **

_We go back inside, and Shannon comes over to me, asking me what's happened. Trust her to know something is wrong. I just tell her not to worry and her best friends pull her off, begging her to dance with them._

_Edward comes back in after us and I try not to look at him. I can't. I don't think my heart will take anymore pain right now._

**Chapter twenty. **

The next few weeks were filled with confusion. Edward was constantly ringing and texting me, even going as far as sending me messages through the children. To be honest, it feels nice to be wanted like this again, but I also feel guilty and horrible.

Jake is brushing it all off, like it's nothing. He still wants us to be together, even if half of me is still in love with my ex-husband. The children are just going along with whatever the opportunity brings. I know they have come to like Jake, but I think they would be okay with it if I were to get back with their father.

Knowing that Edward still loves me, makes me smile when I wake up, but also leaves me crying every night before I go to bed. I want him there to hold me, but I'm disgusted with him. He cheated on me with another woman and that makes me feel ugly and disgusting. If he had to go somewhere else for that type of thing, I obviously wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't enough for him.

Although Jake brushes it off, I can tell that he is hurting. He's told me that he loves me, I just cant say it back yet. He understands and that makes me like him even more. Jake is understanding, the perfect boyfriend. But, I don't think he will ever be _my _perfect boyfriend. My perfect boyfriend is the father of my children.

"Hey baby." I turn to see Jake standing in the doorway to the kitchen, wearing dark jeans and a t-shirt. His feet are bare, showing that he stayed the night. "You're up early." He yawns out and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck.

I sigh and turn around, putting my back to his chest. His kissed on my neck don't stop and his grip tightens.

"Jake." I sigh, hating myself for this. "We need to talk." He nods and with one last kiss to my neck, lets me go and sits on one of the chairs.

"I have a feeling I know what this I about." He whispers and tears spring to my eyes. I choke back a sob and sit down opposite him. He takes my hands and offers me a kind smile. He knows, I know, even the children know. This is over.

"I'm so sorry." I cry, tears now falling. If I'm not in love with him, why does this hurt so much? If I don't love him, I should be able to brush him off and act lie this never happened. I think I do love him, if only a little bit, but it's there, deep down. "You're to good for me. You should be with someone that deserves you. I don't. I cant do this anymore." I sob.

"Hey, we knew it was coming. You love Edward and I can't compete with him. I always knew that, Bells." He sighs and squeezes my hands. I look up at him and bite my bottom lip, trying to keep the tears at a minimum.

"You have two beautiful children with him." He continues. "He still loves you and you love him. Even I can see you were made for each other. I'm just sorry I could make you happier." He shrugs.

"You made me happy. You really did. It's just…" I trail off, not knowing what to say.

"You don't need to explain yourself to me." He stands and comes around, pulling me up from my seat and holding me to him. I clutch his shirt as he holds me.

"I'm sorry." I sob, my tears becoming uncontrollable.

"I'm sorry too." I let go of his shirt and look up at him, seeing a few tears swimming in his eyes. "I love you." He sniffs and I press my lips to his. Our kiss is slow, almost like we are committing the to memory. Our last kiss.

When we pull away, he kisses my forehead and heads upstairs. I watch as he leaves the room and goes up, then when he comes back down with a bag of his clothes. He always leaves something here, saying it will be there when he next stays. I choke back another sob when he leaves with just a wave, another 'I love you' and he asks me to say goodbye to my children.

I quickly calm myself down and try to relax. Jake is better off without me. Maybe he will find his own Edward and be happy. He deserves a good, happy life. He deserves to grow old with his wife by his side, watch their children, and eventually grandchildren, grow up. I cant give him that.

I sit with a cup of tea in front of me, tracing the rim with the tip of my finger.

"Hey mom. Dad wants to come in, is that okay?" Shannon asks, pulling her bag up higher on her shoulder. Oliver comes over to me and hugs me, kissing my cheek gently. I smile at him and hug him back before he goes to do his homework in his room.

"Yeah sure." I mutter, smiling sadly at her. She waves him in then comes into the kitchen.

"Mom, have you been crying? What's up?" She sits next to me and hugs me. I hug her back and swallow down the lump in my throat.

"Jacob and I broke up." I shrug and she pulls away.

"I'm sorry mom. Is there no way you could get back together." Although her voice is concerned, I can se that she doesn't want us to get back together. Both her and Oliver like Jake, but I know they want me and their father to get back together. I shake my head no and she sighs.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Bella." I look over my shoulder and see Edward coming in, happiness swimming behind his sad eyes.

"It's okay. I guess it just didn't work out." He nods and comes in, leaning against the counter tops.

"I'm going upstairs. Thanks for the lift, dad." Shannon smiles and kissed both mine and her fathers cheeks before running up the stairs. Moments later her music goes on and Oliver yells for her to turn it down. I roll my eyes with a small smile. Some things never change.

"Some thing just don't change, do they?" Edward chuckles and I laugh along.

"You must have read my mind, I just thought the exact same thing." I smile and he gives me his crooked grin back.

"Didn't anyone tell you, I read minds." He winks and my face heats up. He laughs at this and I laugh along, until I remember. I have just ended my relationship with Jake. My chest constructs and my laughter soon turns to tears. Why cant I be happy? Just for a while.

Edward comes over and hugs me. I let him. I let him hold me and sooth me. I let him offer my comfort and I take it all, like the selfish person I am. This feels nice. I want to be held like this by Edward for the rest of my life, but can I trust him again? Deep down, I think I can. We have so much to sort out.

My phone chimes and I pull it out my pocket, not even getting out of Edwards arms. I open in and see a text from Jacob.

'_B, _

_Pls prom me u'll b happy. _

_I luv u. _

_J'_

I smile at his stupid text talk, but also because of his words. I click reply.

'_J. I will, if you will. _

_B'_

I put my phone back in my pocket and look Edward in his eyes. I can see the love and devotion in them. I can see that he does truly love me. I know now that what he did was a mistake and we have both paid for it. Sure, we have a lot to work out, but I believe we can do it, together.

**Okay, so a lot has happened in this chapter, but I suppose it makes up or the super late update. This is the last chapter of Resurrection, but there will be an epilogue.**

**I am sorry for any mistakes, but I don't have BETA for this story. **

**Thank you all for sticking by me with this. **

**Can we get to 220 before the story ends? **

**Twi-girl09**

**x **


	22. Epilogue

**Sorry for the length of time between the last update and this. Enjoy! **

**Epilogue. **

My life hasn't been easy.

I always put other before myself and I didn't care about the consequences. I made sure everyone was okay before I worried about myself and some people took advantage of that. I gave up most things and thought about what I was losing afterwards. I gave up my happiness for my best friends and by doing that, I gave up my body.

I stupidly fell in love with a married man and I got pregnant with his baby. A baby that wasn't meant to be mine. I split up a marriage and nearly lost my brother and because of it. I was almost raped, and possibly killed, because I was immature and irresponsible.

I had a baby. I had a beautiful, tiny little baby girl and I gave her away. I knew all along that Rosalie would make an amazing mother, but the pain I felt when I gave her away almost killed me. I thought I could do it, and I knew that I could, before I found out that she really was part of me. At the beginning I thought she was all Rosalie, but she wasn't. She was fifty percent me and I loved her right from the start.

When Rosalie gave me the baby, I thought that God was finally repaying me for everything I have done. I thought that someone finally recognised every bit of good I had done and was finally giving me something in return.

Having Shannon was amazing, it still is. I love having my daughter around and it kills me when she leaves, even if it is only for a few days, or even a few hours. I always wanted a big family. I always wanted to wake up to my bed full of children every Christmas, and when my children were too old to do that, I wanted to have my grandchildren replace them.

When I found out I was pregnant again, I thought my dreams were coming true. Finding out that the baby was a boy, was the best feeling ever. Edward and I chose a name straight away. The name was James Charles, but of course, we ended up changing it to Oliver. He didn't look like a James and Oliver fits him perfectly.

As both children got older, Edward's and I's relationship got more and more strained. Cracks from in our relationship and then he took it to far. My heart broke then second I saw them together. Although I was in so much pain, I didn't blame him. I blamed myself. If I could have made him happier, he wouldn't have cheated.

Everything that happened after that - the divorce, my depression - everything, still floats around my head. I cant help thinking about it and I know that the whole family still remember those horrible years.

When I found Jacob again, I thought I had finally found my ray of happiness, my ray of sunshine in my darkest times. He made me happy and I could feel myself getting better slowly. But, no matter how happy he made me, I could still feel the love I had for Edward. Every time I saw him, I wanted him to hold me and make love to me. I wanted him to want me like he did before.

When Jacob and I finished, Edward was there. He supported me through my depression and I got better with his help. We didn't jump back into a relationship straight away, we had to build out trust towards each other back up again. It took me a long time, more than a year even, to trust him again.

We did get back together, mush to everyone's happiness. Oliver and Shannon were the happiest they had been in a long time, secretly wanting us to get back together again. When I found out that was what they wanted, I felt awful. I shouldn't have had kicked Edward out in the first place and we should have worked on it.

I could sit here for days and think about all of my mistakes and how I should have prevented them for happening. I could write a book on my life and people would get bored of all the bad things that have happened. But I wont.

Esme, Alice and the rest of the Cullen's were super happy when they found out me and Edward were friends again. They came around at least twice a week and we caught up on the time we had missed. And if they weren't at my house, I was at theirs.

Right now is the only thing I have to worry about. I have a beautiful daughter and a very handsome son. I have a God-like fiancée and an amazing family.

"Hey mom." I look over to my daughter and a smile graces both of our faces. Time hasn't changed her much. Now twenty, she has her own life and has moved in with her boyfriend, Philip. Oliver still lives at home with us, being only sixteen, but we very rarely see him. If he isn't at school or studying, he's with his girlfriend Hannah.

"Hey sweet heart. Hey baby." I kiss Shannon's cheek and coo at the tiny baby in her arms. Yes, I'm a grandmother at the tender age of forty. The small baby looks up at me with his blue eyes and opens up his mouth wide for a yawn.

When Shannon told me she was pregnant, I didn't know what to make of it. Her and Philip has just gotten together and weren't really exclusive at the time. I wanted to tell her she wasn't ready and they shouldn't be doing this, but I bit my tongue and promised I would give her al the help she needed.

I was completely surprised when Philip asked her to move in and she did. I was also surprised when he stepped up to his responsibilities and is a real father to his son. Anyone can see the love Shannon and Philip share for each other and double the amount of love for their son, Luke.

She hands me the tiny bundle and I cradle him to my body. He look up at me and I remember what it was like when I help Shannon this way. Luke looks a lot like his mother, but I can see Philip in him too. He's absolutely beautiful.

"Daddy." I see Shannon squeal and launch herself at Edward as he walks in the room. Even though she only had the baby two weeks ago, she is back to her old self again.

"Hello Shannon. Hey Luke." He coos at the baby over my shoulder after hugging Shannon. "How's he sleeping now?" He asks, putting his arm over Shannon's shoulder.

"He's only waking up a few times, mainly for feeding." Edward nods and they dive into conversation about the baby's sleeping habits and other things to do with medical stuff. I ignore them and sit down with the baby.

"Hey mom." I smile at Oliver as he sits down next to me and runs his hand softly over the baby's bronze tufts. "He's getting so big." He whispers as Luke shuts his eyes.

"He sure is."

Shannon had the baby here, at our house. Edward and I were working and she was sitting with Oliver while Philip was at work. Only three days to go, she didn't think she would go into labour. Her midwife told her that the baby would be late as he was nowhere near ready.

Se went into labour and I had a panicked phone call from Oliver. One hour later, she was in the hospital and Oliver was at Esme's. she had the baby after twenty hours of labour and no drugs other than gas and air. I was so proud of her. Oliver was the first one, other than me, Shannon and Philip to see him and hold him. He's such a proud uncle. Its cute.

The space next to me dips and I feel Edward's arm go around my shoulder. I snuggle into him, still looking at the small baby in my arms.

"Hey Grandma." Edward teases in my ear. I narrow my eyes at him and he laughs.

"Hey Grampy." He stops laughing and I giggle instead.

"Not funny." He huffs and I laugh again before kissing him on the cheek.

"Neither are you."

We sit for a little while, while Shannon talks about anything and everything. We see her nearly everyday, but she still needs to tell us everything.

"Are you happy?" Edward's smooth voice whispers lowly in my ear. A shiver runs through my body and I turn my head, looking him right in the eyes.

"I couldn't be happier." Its true.

I have everything I want and a healthy family. Life is good and I wouldn't change one bit of it.

**Thank you everyone for reading and sticking with me through this story. I hope you have all enjoyed it and I have loved writing it. **

**I am so sorry I haven't updated in a while, but my sister recently had a baby boy and my life has been mad. **

**I have Twitter, for all you Twitterers (Hehe), the link is on my profile if you want to follow me and I do follow backs. **

**Thank you all for reading, and for one last time, please review. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


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